Dating Tips Q&A: Are Women Attracted To “Nice” Guys?

By:David DeAngelo

>>> THIS WEEK'S QUESTION

Hi Dave, I recently bought your ebook because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her. You are probably busy but Im going to give you the background story of this and maybe you will have some specific advice for me.

I met this girl M. in July through a friend online. We got to know each other some and after a few weeks she came to watch my friend and I at a basketball game that we were playing in, and I met her in person briefly that day. Unfortunately, I did not see her in person again that summer because I was back to college soon, so we talked more online and it went very well. We really seemed to hit it off and had a lot in common and we were definitely good friends. I made her laugh a lot as we both said and did a lot of silly things (she likes that kind of stuff) and we continued to talk and get to know a lot about each other. I was very supportive of her and she was the same for me and showed a lot of interest in what I had to say. She wanted my phone number here at college and I gave it to her, and we began to talk a few times in the evening by phone too. She also wanted my mailing address here and sent me a package with a card and some goodies that were related to some inside jokes we have with each other.

This is when I decided that I wanted to be more than a friend to her and make a move to tell her subtly my intentions. I just told her that i thought she was really cool and since we have a lot in common I was wondering if she wanted to go out sometime when I got back home for break. She really didnt have much of a reaction one way or the other and just said that it would be fun. Well gradually things escalated and we spent more and more time talking to each other online and by phone, and we exchanged pictures and packages all the time and I opened up to her more and more and told her how I felt for her. I sent her roses to congratulate her and she liked that a lot. She is somewhat of a quiet shy girl, but she is really nice but also very hesitant. She has never been in a relationship before, and the funny thing is that this is true more or less for me too. I continued to tell her my feelings for her more and she would only say that she felt the "same" or "me too". She said that she was worried that when I got to meet her more when i was home my feelings would not be the same. So talking till nearly Thanxgiving, it was to the point where we knew almost everything about each other that we could talk about, and I was really showering her with attention and compliments (I know, according to your teaching this is wrong haha) and she just said that we have to wait and see. I teased her telling her that there were some dreams I had but would have to wait to tell her how they ended, and she said she would eventually open up to me. Well me got together finally over my Turkey break and I went over to their house for the evening after dinner (i bought....youre probably saying "doh") and we watched movies. Their family seems to like me a lot by the way, and I have talked to M.'s sister and mother on occasions before this. I asked if i could put my arm around her and she let me, and then before i went home we went for a short walk and I held her hand to "keep it warm". Before I got into the car she gave me a hug and I invited her over for tomorrow, and that since we are an hour away from each other's house she could stay the night to save time. So we had a good time Thursday and she met my family, and we played games and movies and such, and I said she could sit with me in my couch where it was warmer and she accepted. After the movie was done at about 2:30 am, I shut it off and we just lay there reclining. I started to stroke her arm and gently rub her hands, and then i went to her face and neck and hair, once in a while whispering in her ear and saying she smelt and looked good. She just lightly giggled, and rest her head on my chest but she didnt really do any touching herself, but we got out of the chair at 6 am and slept till 9 am and got up and had a fun day again playing games and I showed her around town. We played footsie under neath the card table some but again it was pretty much myself doing all the showing of affection. We had a candle lit dinner that night and I asked her if her doubts had been answered yet, and she said she knew how I felt but that I needed to get to know her more and that she just was hesitant and not able to open up as much as I am yet. She sat in the couch with me again Friday night and it was more of the same and then she went to bed at 3, but I couldnt sleep that night because I really wondered if I was maybe being too serious and forward for her. She wanted up at 6:15 and so I woke her up touching her face, and we lay in my bed for about an hour with more of the same of me touching her, and then it came time for her to get ready and say goodbye. I had asked her on several occasions over the week at what I felt was the right time if she wanted to know how my dream ended (which we both know what it is hehe) but she said not yet and maybe later. I had written her a long note that night since I didnt sleep and I gave that to her out by her car and she gave me another hug and off she went. I flew back out to school Saturday morning and I have been pretty sad, both because I miss her and because Im not sure if she feels the same way I do.

It seems like she likes all the attention Im giving her that she has never gotten before, but only seems to reciprocate the same things I say and she does not open up to me nearly like i have to her. So i have decided I need to probably try another approach and start applying your methods and see if that gets me anywhere. I will be home for a break in a few weeks and Im hoping that she will start opening up to me then, otherwise im not sure I want to continue to keep giving myself to her like I have if she wont do the same. She does give me a lot of her time so I know she is interested, but I want her to start really being into me the way I have shown her. So Ive been reading your stuff and I think I need to loosen up and tease her a little more and not shower her with compliments, maybe once in a while, and I need to start talking to her less. I think I need to be a little more indifferent but Im just not sure what exactly to do as far as how sweet i am supposed to be to her, and the right kind of attitude i need to have. I think I need to let my "cocky and funny" side come out more but I dont want her to think I am not interested in her or that I am a prick. Im thinking that I need to realize less is more, and give her opportunities and such but make it sparingly and focus more on just being a fun person. Its been almost 5 months knowing her and theres a lot more I could say as far as details, but Im wondering that from what you can get out of this if you have any specific advice for me? I appreciate it a lot man, and thanx for the book! Talk to you later.

~ Mixed up in Minnesota

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You might want to sit down for this.

Sit on a chair with ARMS on it so you don't fall off, OK?

It's VERY clear to me that you've become VERY emotionally attached to this girl... and that you like her very much (women all over the world are reading this right now and crying...).

And I know that when you really, really, REALLY like a girl, “things are different”.

I know that this one is different from ALL of the others... and that you don't want to risk doing something wrong with her... so you're not using any of the materials that you're learning from me...

In fact, you're saving the things you've learned from me for “later”... just in case what you're doing doesn't work in the end.

And even though I'm going to verbally beat your ass for all of this in a moment, I want to let you know that I really do understand.

By the way, I'm only being this nice because it sounds like you're still pretty young, and have almost ZERO experience with women.

So don't get too used to this “kid gloves” stuff from me. Next time you write, I'm just going to launch into it.

OK.

Here's how your letter started:

“I recently bought your ebook because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her.”

I smelled trouble before I was finished reading that first sentence, man.

Here's what my gut tells me:

You sound DESPERATE.

You sound like the affection-starved human male equivalent of a hungry homeless kitten.

It's also clear to me that somewhere along the line in your life you got the idea that if you want to make a woman like you, that you should ACT like a woman.

This is a problem.

From your perspective (which I understand a little too well from your detailed letter), it ALMOST looks like she might like you.

I mean, she's replying to everything you do in a “mirror image” kind of way.

She's not stopping you.

And sometimes she does something nice in return when you're sweet and thoughtful...

But you can FEEL that something just isn't quite “right” here.

Again, it ALMOST looks like she might like you... and when you're in this situation, even small hints seem like they could be “the big clue” that lets you know that she is just as in love as you are.

But my guess is that this situation is much worse than you think.

In fact, I think that there's a very good chance that it's so bad... so, so bad... that it's probably a waste of time to try to “save” it.

I think that the “hints” you're getting from her are the behaviors of a sweet girl who doesn't like the idea of hurting you.

In other words, she's probably as far from “into you” as a girl can be... but she loves you as a friend, and cares about you as a person... so she can't bring herself to look you in the eyes and say, “Hey, you're acting like a girl and you've destroyed all chances of me ever feeling any type of ATTRACTION for you”.

So let's talk about some of the things you've mentioned in your email...

The first thing that comes to mind is how much ATTENTION you give her.

In the moment, giving someone attention, seems like a great thing. They usually seem to enjoy it, and you know you're getting approval from them because they're still talking to you.

The other little “hidden bonus” of giving someone a lot of attention, is that you know they're not getting it from SOMEONE ELSE during the time that you're giving it to them...

Which gives many people a false sense of security.

Heavy, man.

But I think it's time you started thinking of this topic a little differently.

Think of attention, compliments, physical affection and emotional attachment like FIREWOOD.

A little at a time is perfect.

But if you put it all on at once, you're going to burn the house down and destroy everything.

When you give a woman too much attention, you are communicating that you're OBSESSED.

In other words, you're almost the OPPOSITE of a CHALLENGE.

Have you ever heard a woman say “I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts... and I just can't stop thinking about him...”?

No?

Me neither.

Surprise, surprise.

Women aren't INTO guys who are obsessed with them.

Women are INTO guys who are interesting, mysterious, challenging... guys who trigger ATTRACTION in them, not AFFECTION.

Here's how YOUR mind is working right now:

“It feels good, so do it.”

“She seems to enjoy it, so keep it up.”

“I don't want to lose her, so I must continue to smother her with attention.”

“This is the only chance I get, so I must take it to the max.”

“If I don't do something, some other guy will, and I'll be heartbroken.”

Don't worry, this is how MOST guys think and act.

Hell, I did this stuff for years...

But here's what's probably going on in HER mind:

“He's always there whenever I want to talk.”

“He's such a sweet, nice, caring guy.”

“Maybe if I keep talking to him, I'll feel something...”

“...But for some reason... I just don't FEEL IT for him... and I can't make myself feel it...”

“I don't want to hurt him, so I'd better be nice to him.”

She probably feels a lot of guilt... because maybe she is thinking that she “led you on”.

Here's something for you to think about:

“Getting, KILLS Wanting.”

If someone gets something, or even knows that they HAVE IT whenever they want it, that thing becomes much less interesting to them.

As a rule, we humans desire things that aren't easy to get.

We don't want the easy thing!

Just think about it, man.

The more you don't know how she feels about you, and the more you try... the more you WANT HER.

It's working on you, but you can't see it!

Here's the bottom line:

Going with your emotions, and confessing your love for a girl too early on isn't always as “good” as it “seems” like it should be.

If you smother her with too much attention, she's going to run from you and go find a challenging guy.

She's giving you all the “I really like you, you're a sweet guy, I can't bear to break your heart, and I DON'T FEEL IT FOR YOU” signals.

You need to carefully consider your situation, and decide what you REALLY want.

She doesn't have experience with men, relationships, and life.

And from the sounds of it, neither do you.

You're acting on emotion here.

You're not THINKING.

I didn't hear you say “Yea, well I've thought this over, and it makes a lot of sense for her and I to be together...”

You're acting like a textbook WUSSBAG, dude.

It's time to face that reality...

If you were in a court of law right now trying to prove that you weren't a WUSSY, you would not be able to provide even a shred of evidence to support your case.

If the jury was made up of your Mom, Juliet (Romeo's girlfriend), Celine Dion, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Michael Jackson, and all five guys from “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy”, even THEY would reach a UNANIMOUS verdict:

WUSSY!

They might even ask you to provide evidence that you're MALE... based on your testimony here.

And you've only got yourself to thank for it.

You did it all.

Here's something for you to remember:

Attention from a man can be like a DRUG for a woman... even if she isn't attracted to him.

A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion... even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself.

And if you have a young woman who has never been in a relationship with a guy, this could be an even BIGGER probability.

Here's my guess:

95% chance she's not into you.

5% chance she is into you, but she's just too young, inexperienced, shy, or whatever to know what to do about it... or maybe she has some kind of strange religious programming that has brainwashed her into thinking that she needs to marry you before kissing you. But doubtful.

You're in one BI-ATCH of a situation.

You're emotionally attached to this girl, and you “like-like” her.

She's emotionally attached to you, but she most likely DOES NOT “like-like” YOU.

What you do here is your choice, but the chances of something working out are slim-to-none, because you didn't create ATTRACTION at the beginning with this girl.

And even if there were some sparks initially, your Wussy behavior has almost surely killed them all off for good.

SOME GOOD NEWS

Now that I've dealt you the bad news, let's talk about the future.

Let's talk about what you can learn from this experience.

And let's talk about how to use what you've learned to make your life great in the future.

And who knows, maybe after you get your act together, and this girl gets a little bit of life and relationship experience, you just might get lucky and meet her in an airport and she'll forget what a girly-man you used to be...

Actually, probably not.

But it was a nice thought.

In the future, if you are “interested” in a girl, you must remember to be a MAN around her.

Women feel ATTRACTION for “MEN”.

On the other hand. they feel AFFECTION for “nice guys” that wind up becoming FRIENDS.

Instead of waiting until the very end, when you are convinced that a woman isn't into you, before doing what you're learning from me... do it from the BEGINNING.

You must SPARK the ATTRACTION right from the start.

You can't wait until the end, man.

What you were doing was like trying to take all the ingredients of a cake and bake them, then mix them.

It doesn't work that way.

In the future, you need to do the right things, in the right order.

You've learned a valuable lesson. So appreciate what you've learned... even though it's hard.

You're off to a good start now that you've read my eBook... but it really sounds to me like you need to REPROGRAM YOUR MIND.

It sounds like you need a complete overhaul of your thinking.

It sounds like you need a major DE-WUSSING, followed by a ground-up education on how to think, act, and communicate in a way that makes women feel ATTRACTION for you...

You NEED to sign up for my free Dating Secrets eLetter, and get yourself a copy of my eBook, “Double Your Dating”.

There's just no two ways about it.

You wasted probably ten times as much time, energy, money, and emotional distress in this relationship as you would have invested in getting and learning from my book.

And it would have not only saved you a lot of time and money, but also the damn emotional PAIN that you're having to endure.

Take it from me... I've been in your shoes.

I know what it feels like to be doing every possible thing and giving as much as humanly possible... only to have a girl respond by saying “I don't know how I feel” or “I just think we should be friends”.

It sucks.

But it doesn't have to be this way!

If you will invest in yourself and do yourself the favor of getting this education, you can take control of this area of your life... and avoid situations like this in the future.

DATING TIPS MAILBAG: Ice Breakers And Starting Conversations With Women

By:David DeAngelo

***SUCCESS STORY*** If there are people out there who still don't believe in the cocky & funny, QUIT DOUBTIN' IT AND START WORKIN' IT!

The other night I was at a burger joint near my office. It's one of those grungy independent places that's popular with the locals, and out of towners make a point to visit if they're here for something else. The line had snaked around, and a group of three cuties was standing in front of my table. They were talking about what they'd heard, and one of them said she was looking forward to their fries.

Since I had a bunch of fries in front of me, I made eye contact and gave my fries a Vanna White flourish with my hands. She said, "Wow those look good. Can I?"

I offered her one of my fries. She dipped it in my cup of ketchup, and right as she popped it in her mouth, I looked her in the eye and said "By the way, I double-dip." In the space of two seconds, her expressions ranged from shock at my brashness, to wondering whether she should be grossed out, to laughing.

I knew I could have gotten her e-mail/number... and the thing is, I didn't even want to, because I've been seeing a solid eight. Sure, there are hotter, but until recently I would have thought she was entirely out of my league. And I ALWAYS bust her balls. She's always coming up to me, saying "Gimme kiss". I think for a second and say, "Umm... no, but thanks!" And then she's enthusiastically kissing me. Or more.

I'm not the hottest guy out there. I'm pretty fat, actually. But women hate how desperation smells, and if a beautiful woman sees that you're not looking for just anyone who'll return the conversation, and that you're not intimidated by their looks, that's GOLD, man, GOLD.

In fact, it's even worked for me at the office. Now, yes, here you have to be more careful. And it doesn't substitute for competence. But my boss sees I'm not intimidated, and I get stuff done. In fact, today I just landed a $5K raise.

You must be tired of hearing it... well, hear it again. Dave, you da man.

E
Michigan

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Nice!

Well, I think my favorite line in your email was...

"...women hate how desperation smells..."

Because this doesn't make a whole lotta sense to most of the guys who read it, let me do the honors of breakin' it down for ya...

When someone says something like this, what they're trying to say is that there's something about "desperation" that women pick up on... but it's not easy to describe.

Desperation comes across in all kinds of subtle ways, from how you talk to a woman, to the eye contact that you make, to how often you call her.

Women can "smell" it because women are approximately TEN TIMES better at reading body language than men. Your body language says everything about you to a woman... so if you want to get better at attracting women, you'd better start paying attention to and taking control of it.

Start with your posture. Lift your chest.

Lean back, not forward.

Leaning forward is usually a "needy" signal.

Leaning back is usually a signal of strength.

Slow down your movements.

Fast movements convey nervousness and skittishness.

Slow movements convey self control and strength.

It's a good idea to take some time and study the body language of guys who are successful with women. Watch closely, and pay attention to EVERYTHING.

Even though something doesn't SEEM like it's important, it probably is.

I have a good friend who holds his drink a certain way when he's talking to a woman that he's interested in.

He does it almost every time.

Is it important?

You do the math.

Thanks for the email. Good stuff.


***COMMENTS FROM A WOMAN***

Hey Dave -

Ok, I can't help myself. I've got to comment again. I commented last week in response to a writer who was disturbed with your methods of meeting women. And now this week, I find another, equally amusing halfwit who just doesn't get it (the one you affectionately called a "crack smoker".. hehehe).

Is it me or the rest of the world? Jesus, people. It's not disrespectful, it's not meant to be hurtful or demeaning. It's called TEASING ... it's a playful, flattering form of teasing.

Let me give you an example of a guy I met recently, from a female's point of view -- one guy's success story (and unless he gets your newsletter or has read your materials, he's probably totally unaware of HOW he "hooked" me so easily). I met a guy online several months ago, we chatted for awhile and quickly discovered that we had a very compatible quick-witted sense of humor (he was cocky and very funny from the get-go ...I loved it). Everytime we talked on the phone, he'd find a way to bust my chops and make me laugh. (Sounds cliche, but "He had me at hello." hehehe) He'd always point out some imperfection of mine and blow it all out of proportion and talk about how it just wasn't going to work out because of all my flaws (kidding the whole time, of course) ... one being the fact that I'm not particularly very well endowed in the chest region. A modest 38B. So after we met that first time, he walked me to my car that night, and as he turned to walk towards his car, he paused and turned back long enough to say "oh, and you're right, you're not very busty." Shocked, I just said, "oh get outta here you *&$%@# " and jabbed him in the arm. And I grinned the whole way home. And I couldn't wait to see him again.

I hope you consider including this in your newsletter to encourage guys to keep trying your methods. THEY DO WORK! With the negative comments in the last couple of newsletters from "outraged" readers, I'd hate for any guy to second-guess that this stuff works. Because as far as I'm concerned, there just aren't enough of you guys (cocky & funny) around. At least I can't find 'em.

J, in Maryland

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, well I think that the REAL problem that the "halfwits" and "crack smokers" of past newsletters are having is that they don't GET IT.

I've found that women HATE the idea that guys are doing ANYTHING "intentionally" to become more successful in the dating world.

Anything that has to be "learned" really freaks some women out (as a side note, I've found that most of the women I've talked to in person about my ideas were OK with them. On occasion, a woman will freak out, but after they actually "get" what I'm talking about, they almost universally LIKE the ideas).

The REAL profound insight that I've had relating to this topic is that women will often SAY that they want one thing, but then when they GET it they seem like they don't want it.

On the other hand, women will often SAY that they don't like certain types of guys or certain traits, then they'll turn around and SLEEP with one of these exact guys.

Keep in mind, we're talking about women here, and I don't mean to pick on them... the fact is that GUYS have their own set of bizarre behaviors too. But since everyone is reading these Mailbags to learn about how to attract women, we're going to have to skip this discussion. Wink Wink.

And for all the guys who doubt that what we're talking about here "works", just ask yourself these questions:

1) Is what you're CURRENTLY doing working? 2) Isn't it worth the risk to try ANYTHING else if there's even a CHANCE that it will actually work? Nice.

Thanks for your email.


***QUESTION***

Hey Dave,

Been getting your newsletter for about two months now. Also got both your book and your DVD. They're just unbelievably superb!!!! The stuffs in your book and DVD are so easy to be understood. It is like reading "How to double your dates for Dummies". I was always nervous when I was around hot looking girls. Now, I actually have the confidence to walk up to them and ask for their emails/numbers. It's such a big shift in such a short time. Composure is almost what the girls are looking for. Without it, they can sense you got no game. You really got the stuffs. It works wonders. I'm certainly still new to this and I am practicing everyday constantly.

I have no problems asking girls for the emails. I understand how the composure, voice tone and everything works. But this is my problem. Some girls actually say this exact same lines like "Why don't you give me your email/number and I'll email/call you." I really am stuck after they said this. I just can't figure out some C&F to say at this point to amplify the situation. I am ready to be enlightened by your teaching.

My new Sensei,

Big bow to you,
E.F Canada

>>>MY COMMENTS:

lol... I love questions like this one.

Yea, when you start getting good at approaching women, you will start having all kinds of far-out things happen. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite stories that my friends and I laugh about are about times that I started conversations with women.

Here, let me confuse you for a moment...

Let me give you a couple of different perspectives on your situation.

I have one good friend who has been with literally HUNDREDS of women.

He told me a story about a woman that said this to him. He asked her for her number, and she said "Well, why don't you write down your number and I'll call you...".

He didn't even hesitate... he shot back "Don't give me that SH**, write your number down!".

She smiled and wrote her number down.

One time I was out talking to a girl... I asked her to write down her email and number, and she said "You give me your number" etc.

I looked at her and said "Never mind".

Then, as the conversation went on, she started making comments about talking to me in the future, giving her my number, etc.

I just said "Nah, you're not serious. If you were, you wouldn't be playing games with me, and you'd just give me your number".

She wrote it down.

Funny enough, my standard response to "Why don't you give me your number instead and I'll call you" is to just look at her and say "Write it down. It will be OK..." and then point to the paper.

That probably works about 50% of the time.

You have what I like to refer to as a "high quality problem". Remember what you've learned in my DVD program about what a woman is REALLY looking for. Then be it.

Just because a woman says "Give me your number instead" doesn't mean that you've lost control. It's usually just a test.


***COMMENT***

OMG okay Dave,

I'm a female and have been reading your newsletters to try and figure out where guys get their "game" from. Now that I know it's from you, I would like to say you're a total genius. Like I've had guys use your tips on me and at first I've been like "what the hell" then later on in the conversation, we were exchanging numbers and kisses. you must be like a woman in disguise or something. you are so awesome.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, one thing is for sure... I'm NOT a woman in disguise.

lol...

I don't know many women who could explain this stuff the way I do.

Oh, and feel free to send your picture and phone number with your emails in the future.

If there's one thing that's better than a man recognizing my genius, it's a cute gal recognizing it.

By the way, you said something that was very interesting in your email.

You said that when guys start using these techniques with you, at FIRST you respond with "what the hell"... but LATER ON you wind up kissing and exchanging numbers.

Very VERY interesting.

This is a KEY point that most guys just can't grasp or work with. Thanks for laying it out.


***QUESTION***

hello there.

can u please let me know, what is meant by a wussy.? I've came across this word a lot, in ur newsletter, wussy, and wussies, but couldn't figure out, what it means. I didn't find the meaning of that word in the dictionary too.

as you used in ur letter, Women aren't attracted to Wussies what is meant by that.

waiting for ur reply

bye

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes, I can explain the concept of what a "Wussy" is quite easily.

If you say things like "waiting for your ur reply", you're communicating like a Wussy.

If you don't know what a Wussy is, you probably are one.

Guys who aren't Wussies know what a "Wussy" is because they usually MAKE FUN OF THEM a lot.

I know, I know... I'm being harsh.

But I used to be a BIG TIME Wussy. It was a problem.

I used to call women all the time, kiss up to them, give away my power to them, and every other WUSS-ISH thing you could do.

In other words, I'm an expert.

A Wussy is a guy who gives away his power to women, and behaves in a "submissive" way.

Don't do this.

It's the DARK SIDE, if there ever was one.


***QUESTION***

David,

I've been reading your newsletter for about a month now and I respect your honesty and perspectives. The things you've said makes lots of sense and I have no doubts that they work. In fact, I have observed others use your techniques they and get remarkable results with the ladies. Now, when I read your newsletters, I thought to myself and realized that I have been somewhat using your "cocky and funny" techniques unconsciously... ie, teasing the girls, making fun of them but not putting them down. (I guess its part of my personality). I make some of the girls I work with as well as my customers laugh.

The thing is, when I go out to a bar or a nightclub, or anywhere else for that matter, I tend to clam up for some reason. I might even give the impression to others that I'm a tightass because I dont open my mouth. I know I can keep the ball rolling once I have the girls attention. My problem is the ice breaker. The very first thing I say AFTER introducing myself, or even BEFORE depending on the situation. I feel like I dont have any interesting things to say to start up a conversation. My question is how can I prepare myself to be more cocky per say? What ice breakers can I use and not look like a wuss at the same time? I try to listen in on the guys next to me pick up girls, try to hear what they are saying. But I'm hard of hearing and its quite hard in noisy situations for me to hear anything unless my ear is literally close. Interested in any perspectives and feedback you can give to start off.

Thanks
A.W.G. - Illinois

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Most guys are afraid of approaching women and starting conversations.

When you say the words "ice breaker", you ASSUME that a woman is going to respond to you "coldly". You know, Ice=Cold.

The fact is that there are a certain percentage of women out there who are happy, open, and receptive in general, and a certain amount that are cold, closed, and NOT receptive.

I had a guy come to my last seminar in Los Angeles who went out one of the evenings and started approaching women.

He came back into the seminar the next day and told his story...

He said that he couldn't believe how he let his past negative programming stop him from starting conversations with women. He had gone out, and walked up to women one after the other and just simply said "Hi, I'm out meeting people tonight, what's your name?" and women were giving him all kinds of positive responses.

Just remember that most women will respond somewhere in the range of "neutral" to "positive" if you say almost ANYTHING to them.

Now, if you want to start conversations in bars and nightclubs, and you just can't get the nerve up to do it, try this...

Find a BUSY place near the bar where people are lining up to order drinks. Find a place where people are literally crammed together like sardines.

Work your way up to the bar at the BUSIEST spot, and either stand there, or get a chair there.

The idea is that you want to be where a lot of women will walk up to the bar during the evening and ACCIDENTALLY bump into you.

If you REALLY want to make this work for you, wear a loud or unique shirt... something that has a soft, "feely" texture.

Over the course of a few hours, some conversations will start BY THEMSELVES.

Women will say "excuse me" and try to get past you.

Some women will ask you to order a drink for them.

Some will just bump up against you on accident and then apologize.

Take a few minutes, and think up some good responses that fit your personality... and have them ready.

Try:

"Look, if you wanted to start a conversation with me you could have just said "hi", you didn't have to be violent about it."

That should get you started.

The point is that there's a way to put yourself in a situation that automatically sparks conversations. You just need to be ready when it happens.

This kind of thing should help you get past the fear and hesitation to start conversations on your own.


***QUESTION***

David D.,

First off, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to put all of this material together. As a guy who is finally beginning to understand the game and is on his way to "get it", I'd like to thank you. I'm still not completely to the place I'd like to be, but I'm on my way (being able to walk up to any woman who I'd like to meet and being able to secure digits and lead things the rest of the way from there). The ideas that I'm finding that really help me keep my focus (and not get too nervous/needy) are many from your advanced program that I purchased. ex- What they think of you is their business, and acting almost too comfortable around them. I'm also in the process of reading Comedy Writing Secrets by Helitzer and have 3 other books purchased (of those you recommended) that will be my next projects.

Okay, on to the comment and question. I've read recently that studies have shown (can't remember if this was from Reader's Digest or what) that even if you're a shy person, acting outgoing will improve your mental health and get rid of that feeling of seclusion that many introverted people have. On to the question... in your Advanced DVD program, the idea of congruence is mentioned several times, mostly as that you have to be congruent when you talk to a woman. This concept seems to be rather elusive and I was wondering if you could go into more detail about what "being congruent" entails.

Thanks,
T.C. from Virginia

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Sure, the idea of being "congruent" when you communicate simply means to have ALL LEVELS of your communication be "in alignment" with each other and "saying the same thing".

If you're asking a woman for her number, but you're looking around nervously and hesitating, it's not "congruent".

On the other hand, if you're saying "Write down your email and number for me" while taking out a pen and paper... as if it's the 147th time that you've done it, it's CONGRUENT.

Most people don't realize that they're sending MIXED MESSAGES all the time.

Have you ever asked someone "What's wrong?" and had them say "NOTHING'S WRONG! Why does everyone keep asking me what's wrong?".

That's a mixed message. And it's not congruent.

You want to "line up" ALL of your communication.

Your body language, voice tone, words, etc.

All of the different specific body language, voice tone, and gestures that I recommend in my programs have a single goal in mind: To help you be 100% CONGRUENT when you are communicating with women.

The more congruent you are, and the more you use the techniques that I'm teaching, the better your responses from women will become.


***COMMENTS***

Y'know, my mom actually wanted to comment on your program. She's been teaching me and my brothers about what women REALLY want from men ever since I was very small. She's been teaching us pretty much the same material that you cover in your book and advanced series (which I recently picked up by the way, I fell so much in love with the book I just couldn't resist, it's been GREAT!), and she just wanted me to tell you that you hit it right on the head! Her saying has always been pretty much: "Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either." I have tried other dating success trainings, and this one is by far my favorite. There's... one... that I tried before yours. Theirs isn't NEARLY as good as yours, because the techniques they teach are way to unnatural, too analytical, doesn't let you be yourself at all, and doesn't work for everyone in every situation. Your service is the best I've seen so far, because IT ALLOWS YOU TO BE YOURSELF, while HONESTLY sparking ATTRACTION in a female, nd automatically DOES NOT work on a woman with a stick up her ass! I can tell you put a lot of work into this, you've defiantly touched many lives. Not just for men, but women too. Thanks David.

C.D. from Texas

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh YEAHHHHH!

Dude, even your MOM endorses my stuff.

This is out of control.

You know, actually... you suck.

I wish that MY MOM would have taught me this stuff, instead of teaching me wisdom such as "You need to buy women more things" and "A man should always pay for things", etc.

And any mom who would teach her son:

"Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either."

...has my respect.

And to comment on your experience with the techniques and systems that others teach on how to meet women...

My guess is that 95% of the others who have written books on this topic or developed other programs are doing it for the MONEY alone.

In other words, their main focus is the CASH, and NOT helping guys improve with women.

Now, I certainly enjoy the cash. No argument there.

But my MAIN OBJECTIVE is to have the absolute BEST system and materials that are available ANYWHERE at ANY PRICE.

I have spent a LOT of time, effort, and energy to figure out what works to attract women.

Here's the test:

Go download my online eBook, and order up one of my CD/DVD programs. You can get both to try out for free... with zero risk.

THEN, go buy another book on the topic, or whatever else you can find (make sure it comes with a 100% money-back guarantee).

My bet is that you'll return everything else before you've even finished reading it (or listening, or whatever), and that I couldn't pry my stuff out of your hands with a CROWBAR.

My stuff WORKS BETTER, and is easier to use than all the other stuff out there, period. And probably the MOST IMPORTANT benefit is something that was mentioned in this newsletter... when you learn how and why women feel ATTRACTION, and you learn how to trigger it with your communication and body language, you don't have to use a bunch of "unnatural tricks" or dishonest techniques that "feel wrong".

I'll teach you how to develop that "innate" or natural part of themselves that is already there... and give you the correct perspective and programming to get RESULTS. Try it, you'll like it.

WritIng Your Online Profile Effectively

If you've ever looked for love on the Web, you already know that the key to online dating success is an excellent profile -- one that presents you in your best light while giving would-be suitors a glimpse of what it'll take to win your heart. Easier said than done. Why not turn to the pros who have researched the online dating world and know what works -- and what doesn't? In I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, author Evan Marc Katz includes strategies on how to write a terrific online personal ad, and he even offers samples.

When consulting with Internet daters, I take great pains to try to help people spruce up their profiles. There are usually a bunch of things that can be altered, but most folks have a large blind spot when it comes to writing about themselves honestly, objectively and eloquently. Not only that, but very often the most articulate online daters write whatever comes out of their hearts without thinking of the effect their words are going to have on the reader.

I have deconstructed different profiles and attempted to analyze why I think they succeed. I took examples from all different demographics, men and women, twenties to sixties, to illustrate that as long as a person writes with a distinct voice the content can vary, but the result will still be positive. What works for one person does not necessarily work for everybody, but the general principles remain the same.

Use specifics. Be sincere and honest. Write like you talk. Show your personality. If you make jokes, make them tasteful, self-deprecating or sarcastic, and do so with caution. Figure out what makes you different from everyone else, and use it to your advantage. Again, stay away from generic adjectives and focus more on proper nouns and stories. If you're going to be wordy, have something interesting to say. Stay consistently positive and confident without seeming annoying and arrogant. Be proud of who you are and wear it confidently in your language and tone. Don't give anyone a reason to say no to you. No red flags, no obvious baggage, no glaring insecurities, no diatribes about past relationships, no spelling mistakes, no superficial wish list about money or looks.

You should have fun writing your profile. If you have fun writing it, the reader will likely have fun reading it.

by: Evan Marc Katz

How to Meet Girls Online

1. Go to a good online dating site and join the site. Many sites are free and take about 10 mins to join and setup an account and verify by email.
2. Look around and make contact with a few of the members. Use the chat and online email functions, contact a few members and don't place all of your eggs in 1 basket. As a rule, women get lots of email so they won't always respond to the first contact.
3. Play the game a little, even online. Make contact, be polite, respond to what the women are looking for in their profiles. Women get hit by so many replies to their ads that they are only going to respond to the ones that stand out and address their needs. Online dating is an easy skill - you want results improve your skills. Just like the offline dating scene, some men are much better at it than others. This is not to say you can’t learn the art form! Common or uncommon sense is one of the big things, you can learn it or fake it.

4. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Girls are going to behave differently depending on what they are expecting, so you have to take a good close look at the information they post in their profile and adjust your approach. If a girl says she wants a one night stand or a three some then you can be a bit more risque with your initial approach. If there is an indication that your prospect wants a relationship, then you would be advised to start slowly or consider what you're after and not start at all.
5. Follow these general guidelines:
* Use your manners.
* Ask intelligent questions.
* Look at and respond to members profiles.
* Respond to ads where you meet the profile requirements.
* Give a little information about yourself and what your looking for.
* Use a good picture or series of pictures (no graphic sex shots).
* Get a professional photo taken.
* Be patient. If someone doesn't respond to your email immediately, don't rush to send another.
* Be genuine. Don't lie about your age or anything else!
* Don’t be rude.
* Don’t respond to ads outside of their asking requirements.
* Don’t act like a sex starved idiot (even if you are).

So what are you waiting for Check out some of the good online dating site CLICK HERE