Why Do Some Men Stray into Infidelity?

by:James Walsh

It’s - ‘Adultery’ and people indulging in such acts destroy their marital relationship while deeply hurting the people who love them most. Infidel people know that their acts are not only wrong but dangerous too, for revelation of their deeds would wreak havoc with their personal life. Yet, they are prepared to take such a great risk.

What motivates them to do so? People of both genders are known to have extramarital affairs, but the circumstances that drive men into infidelity are different from those that turn women unfaithful.

Is the Woman Responsible for Spousal Extramarital Affairs?

When apprehended, an adulterous man stoutly denies the affair or blames his spouse for driving him into committing such an act. Do women really drive their men into extra marital affairs? Some people agree that men are driven into seeking love outside marital boundaries, when it is non-existent in their marriage. Their spouse can partly be blamed for the loveless marriage.

Love and affection are vital not only for the survival of a relationship but also for making human existence happy. When it is repudiated, these lonely people stray outside marital confines seeking self-validation.

Denial of Love Makes a Man Vulnerable

Denial of spousal love makes people feel worthless and rejected and these feelings commonly turn them defenceless and they turn infidel.

Though marital unhappiness makes people susceptible, it is wrong to believe that every infidel person emerges from an unhappy home. Quite a few happily married men are also adulterous. It is individual thinking that makes them so. Men tend to draw a strict demarcating line between love and sex. Though they love their wife, they engage in illicit relationships to spice up life. Basically, it’s the cultural upbringing that determines whether adultery is perceived to be wrong or accepted.

Upbringing and Individual Attitude

Men are known to stray more than women in patriarchal households where the philandering men in the family are responsible for nurturing generations of infidel men down the line. The socio-economic conditions at the home front have a deep impact on the attitudes of the family members. It is heredity in such a lineage, to be strict with the women and encourage men to turn adventurous. As infidelity is forbidden by society and religion, the prohibition incites these adventurous men. The associated excitement of it makes adultery desirable.

These could be the general reasons that promote adultery. However, it is not right to blame anyone, and infidelity is usually individual responsibility.

Infidel Individual at Places of Work

Individuals, holding liberal views on adultery, are more inclined to have affairs in the office. Attraction between men and women is common while working in close proximity. If the physical relationship is followed by emotional attachment, the alliance turns stronger than the marital bond.

Once the extramarital relationship proves pleasurable and goes unnoticed by family, the man begins craving for more of such experiences. Such an excitement induces changes in the brain chemistry that makes adultery addictive. Addiction to adultery then becomes a problem that has to be handled by professional experts. However, it is not the work place alone where extramarital liaisons are developed; affairs can be developed at home too.

Online Affairs Developed at Home

In families where both the spouses are working, the wife spends all her free time with the children. The subsequent lack of attention induces the man to engage in other activities. It is at such leisure times that online relationships get developed. (Cyber affairs are alluring for the secrecy and privacy they offer.)

Developments of such affairs are usually accidental. Though the people concerned lack physical contact, they are deeply attached to their online partner. Such emotional bonding gives rise to intense crisis in the family. The good news is that, after enduring such distressing circumstances, marriages are turning stronger. The spouse of the infidel person wakes up and pays attention to marital problems by redressing them with remedial measures.

‘Adultery’ in a marriage, is a complex issue. Reasons as to what drives spouses to become unfaithful vary greatly and the factors leading to it differ according to gender. 9 out of 10 people disapprove infidelity, yet more than 3 out of 10 men develop extramarital relationships. Human heart is designed to love, and adultery is an offshoot of this characteristic.

What Are Her Signals To Take It Further?

by:Terry Leslie

Both women and men have motives in everything they do. Only difference is that a women’s motives are much harder to figure out, although not impossible. They do leave enough clues for you to figure out. Their body language, the questions they ask, and their actions all form clues to what they are after.

It may be for money. You’ll quickly notice this if she expects you to pay for everything and never offers to split any bills and she doesn’t take the opportunity to also pay for you at times. Questions she asks such as what you do, the house you live in, and the car you drive, these are definite signs that she is in it for the money.

Other women may be in it for the sex, they just want to get laid. And you will be able to pick this up through their actions. Sexually adventurous women are much more aggressive in their actions such as approaching you very closely on the dance floor, wrapping their arms around you etc. Although there are exceptional shy ones that are also sexually active and are really just waiting for the right man to sweep them away and begin their sexual encounter and fantasy.

Women love to talk, so you should allow them to. They are revealing themselves to you. However, if you encounter a shy women who is more timid, ask her questions. Men usually make the mistake of trying to cover up complete silence by filling it up with self centered talk, intentionally or unintentionally. Women are turned off by self centeredness. Don’t make this mistake. There must be a balance. Try to ask a question for every question she asks, that is best way.

Women also act shy as they look downward, hoping the man catches them doing so. What they are doing is really inviting us into their world. Even a slight smile is perhaps an invitation to move forward.

It is not only men who get nervous in front of the opposite sex. Women are probably as or more nervous than men are. So if the woman is talking to you, then you’ve got a chance. It’s common that if the woman is either taken or doesn’t want to know you more, she can be quite blunt or you’ll notice that she will find a way to get out talking to your further.

If it’s none of these, then, go full steam ahead, she’ll want you to!

How To Approach A Woman?

by:Terry Leslie

The old saying, “The Knight In Shining Armor” still exists today like it did in the medieval times. Only difference is that we’re no longer on a horse and wearing our metal. These days it’s more of a male chivalry which we all men should show if we want to attract our woman. Women are always looking for their knight in shining armor all the time. It is in them to want to be rescued. So whenever there is a chance to help a woman in need, never hesitate. Just do it!

We may not be attracted to the woman we help, but you never know if there is another woman around the corner watching your good deeds. What is important is that this has to be real, a habit you gradually develop over time. You really should not do it just to attract a woman. The more you give, the more you get back. Just don’t expect it right away or else you’ll be disappointed.

So in future when ever you see a woman who either, needs help or rescue from a situation, go for it. Rescuing a woman is one of the surest ways to win their heart. Whether it’s from another man or an embarrassing situation, find a way to save the day and very likely you’ve immediately also found a way to her heart.

Woman unconsciously also like to see that you have good relationships with other women around your age because it shows that you are also liked by other women. She’ll find this attractive.

Never approach a woman too directly and stare down at her as she’ll begin to find you too intimidating or even creepy. An indirect approach is best. Try to also stay away from the usual pick-up lines such as the weather, buying her a drink etc.

You are much better off relating to her on some level. Try to find a common interest.

Its best to therefore approach women as a friend or casual acquaintance as this gives you the best chance to get to know her a little bit more and quickly find a common ground of interest. This can then be further developed into a full blown conversation. It also puts pressure off you trying to score on first attempt with expectations of a long lasting romance or a one night stand and then feeling stupid if you didn’t succeed.

Take your time, and continue practicing. This is the only way you’ll gain confidence over time. The more you do it, the more you’ll feel comfortable picking up women.

In the mean time, Good Luck!

The Myth of Monogamy

For most biologists, the fact that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had an illegitimate child by one of his staffers is neither surprising nor a revelation. We've known for a long time that males from many species tend to be interested in sexual variety, particularly in having more than one partner.

Consider, for instance, this story: A missionary visited a Maori village in 19th century New Zealand and there was a feast in his honor. After the feast, the Maori chief called out, "A woman for the bishop." Noting the scowl on the prelate's face, the obliging chief roared again, even louder: "Two women for the bishop!"

Given the choice, most men would rather have two women than one (although not necessarily at the same time). And they'd rather have three than two. As Margaret Mead once pointed out, monogamy is the most difficult of all marital arrangements. For some time, biologists have had a good idea why. Men are sperm makers. Sperm are cheap and easily replaced. Unlike eggs, they do not require that the guy doing the fertilizing become pregnant, give birth and then nurse his young.

For women -- and females of most other species as well -- the situation is quite different, and, not surprisingly, females tend to be comparison shoppers, and sexually reticent compared to their male counterparts. So the interesting thing about the Jackson affair isn't Jackson's behavior. After all, ever since "The Scarlet Letter" we've been told that even men of the cloth are still men, under the cloth. Rather, it's why Karin Stanford, his paramour, went along.

And here, biologists have finally begun to catch up with common sense. Women, too, have extramarital affairs, and these need not be limited to an unmarried woman having sex with a married man, as with Stanford and Jackson (though it has been reported that she had a boyfriend at the time of her affair with Jackson), or Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton, or Donna Rice and Gary Hart, or ... There are plenty of Madame Bovarys and Anna Kareninas. Adultery is a favorite human topic, in more ways than one.

Enter DNA fingerprinting, and not just for Monica's fabled blue dress. This laboratory technique isn't only useful for identifying unknown soldiers or freeing the falsely convicted. In recent years, it has surprised biologists with a whole new world of screwing around among animals, with likely implications for that troubled animal, Homo sapiens, the one that tries so hard to be monogamous and finds it so terribly difficult.

And if not now, when?

When we examine the genes of baby birds, even those species long thought to be absolute paragons of monogamous fidelity, we find that 10, 20, sometimes 30 percent of the offspring are not genetically connected to the socially identified father. Social monogamy (what biologists still call, somewhat quaintly, a pair bond) is not the same as sexual monogamy. Several decades ago experimenters vasectomized redwinged blackbirds in the hope of controlling their numbers. But many females, ostensibly mated to only those vasectomized males, laid eggs that hatched! Something funny was going on. But only now, with the accumulation of literally dozens of research studies using DNA data, do we know for sure: Females, even females in species long thought to be sexually faithful, often are not.

In the movie "Heartburn," based on Nora Ephron's barely fictional account of her marriage to the philandering Carl Bernstein, the heroine complains about his infidelity to her father, who responds: You want monogamy? Marry a swan.


Now we are discovering that even swans aren't monogamous!

Why not?

Again, there is no great mystery about why males often make themselves available for extra-pair copulations, or EPCs. The evolutionary payoff in fathering additional children can easily make up for the costs, assuming that some EPCs result in EPFs (extra-pair fertilizations), and the cuckolded male doesn't find out and take violent revenge. Of course, an EPCing male runs other risks as well, such as possible desertion by his own mate, or the chance that while he is trying to seduce someone else's female, that same someone else -- or another -- is making time with his own! But the bigger question, yet to be resolved, is why a female, especially one already mated, should seek EPCs. The costs of discovery can be great (notably violence from her mate or abandonment), whereas the benefits are obscure. Yet seek them they clearly do.

We now know that in numerous species, females go prospecting on the territories of adjacent males, especially when their own mate is off at work, foraging or patrolling the neighborhood perhaps looking for his own EPCs. Sometimes, to be sure, females are coerced into mating, but it is clear that even mated females are often sexual adventurers in their own right, actively soliciting EPCs from males who are not theirs.

It appears that there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for female infidelity among animals. Here are a few; each is valid for at least one species. Some might also shed light on the Madame Bovarys (or Karin Stanfords) among us: For an unmated female, reproducing is generally better than not, even if -- when monogamy is the public norm -- such a reproducing female has to be a single mother. An EPC can provide a female, whether socially mated or not, with fertility insurance, just in case her current partner doesn't produce enough sperm. She might also increase the genetic variety of her offspring by bearing the children of more than one male. An especially important consideration seems to be the genetic quality of her additional lover(s). It is very rare, for example, for already mated females to copulate on the sly with males who are socially subordinate to their current mates. Among those animals in which males sport secondary sexual traits that indicate unusual health and that females find sexually stimulating (bright plumage, enlarged feathers, especially attractive body features of other sorts), females will often mate with those fortunate males who are unusually good specimens, particularly if their own mates are less than prepossessing in this regard.

Make them the best of times again

Barn swallows, for example, have deeply forked tails. The deeper the fork, the greater the appeal to females. Female barn swallows paired with males whose tails are only so-so tend to sneak copulations with neighboring males whose tail forkings have been artificially enhanced by researchers. Among the European birds known as yellowhammers, older males are brighter yellow; their enhanced brightness indicates that they have good longevity genes and also makes them more attractive to female yellowhammers, especially those mated to males whose yellow is less prepossessing.

A female can also gain immediate personal payoffs from successful EPCs. In some cases, she may be permitted to forage on territory maintained by a male, provided that she first copulates with him. When several adults cooperate in provisioning the young, males often adjust their parental efforts depending on their sexual access to the female: more fucking, more feeding. By inducing more than one male to have an interest -- or think he has an interest -- in the outcome of a bout of sex, cagey females reduce their own parenting duties. There are some species, including lions and a number of primates, in which adult males are likely to kill young they have not fathered. It has been suggested that in such cases females may have evolved to be sexually receptive to more than one male as a way of reducing the risk eventually faced by their offspring.

The evidence is now undeniable: Monogamy among animals is more myth than reality. What about human beings?


Here, too, there is no doubt. We are not naturally monogamous. Anthropologists report that the overwhelming majority of human societies either are polygynous or were polygynous prior to the cultural homogenization of recent decades. They also suggest that individuals are mildly polygynous, having evolved in a system in which one man maintains a harem. This, incidentally, helps explain the persistent sex appeal of successful, dominant men, whether they be high-ranking politicians, movie or rock stars, glamorous athletes or wealthy entrepreneurs. Power, as Henry Kissinger once noted, is the ultimate aphrodisiac. At the same time, women can and do seek additional sex partners, even when already mated. Thus, monogamy -- when it occurs -- is shot through with EPCs, not just among birds. Otherwise, why would men have such a powerfully developed tendency for sexual jealousy?

Why, then, does monogamy occur at all? Maybe it's like Winston Churchill's observation that democracy is the worst possible form of government except for all the others that have been tried. At least monogamy is a great equalizer (in theory). It assures that in a species with equal numbers of males and females, no one need be left out. But at the same time, it cannot and does not prevent individuals of either sex from looking elsewhere.

Imagine a society of rigid social monogamy in which women nonetheless seek to be inseminated by the best possible males. Such males are rare, and likely to be already taken. So women might well adopt a kind of ratcheting-up tactic, in which they pair with the best man they can get, and thereby obtain his child-rearing assistance as well as whatever additional material resources he can provide, while also making themselves available for men further up in the hierarchy -- probably charismatic men like Jesse Jackson.

Such a motivation need not be conscious. In fact, a woman who has an affair with an attractive married man may intentionally avoid becoming pregnant. The point is that part of the underlying sexual motivation for the affair likely derives from these factors.

When right-wing Christian moralists worry that family values are under assault, they don't know how right they are! Monogamy, perhaps the poster child of family values, is under profound assault -- but not from any progressive, gay or feminist agenda. Rather, nature is the culprit.

We are imbued by Western culture with monogamous ideals. Yet, like other living things, we're often compelled by our biology to depart from monogamy. Neither men nor women are the primordial purveyors of extra-pair copulations, yet EPCs have dogged and delighted human beings throughout recorded history, and doubtless before. It takes two to do the EPC tango. And human beings love to dance.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
About the writer
David P. Barash is professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle. His most recent book, "The Myth of Monogamy," coauthored with his wife, Judith Eve Lipton, M.D., is to be published this spring.
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Dating Tips Q&A: Are Women Attracted To “Nice” Guys?

By:David DeAngelo

>>> THIS WEEK'S QUESTION

Hi Dave, I recently bought your ebook because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her. You are probably busy but Im going to give you the background story of this and maybe you will have some specific advice for me.

I met this girl M. in July through a friend online. We got to know each other some and after a few weeks she came to watch my friend and I at a basketball game that we were playing in, and I met her in person briefly that day. Unfortunately, I did not see her in person again that summer because I was back to college soon, so we talked more online and it went very well. We really seemed to hit it off and had a lot in common and we were definitely good friends. I made her laugh a lot as we both said and did a lot of silly things (she likes that kind of stuff) and we continued to talk and get to know a lot about each other. I was very supportive of her and she was the same for me and showed a lot of interest in what I had to say. She wanted my phone number here at college and I gave it to her, and we began to talk a few times in the evening by phone too. She also wanted my mailing address here and sent me a package with a card and some goodies that were related to some inside jokes we have with each other.

This is when I decided that I wanted to be more than a friend to her and make a move to tell her subtly my intentions. I just told her that i thought she was really cool and since we have a lot in common I was wondering if she wanted to go out sometime when I got back home for break. She really didnt have much of a reaction one way or the other and just said that it would be fun. Well gradually things escalated and we spent more and more time talking to each other online and by phone, and we exchanged pictures and packages all the time and I opened up to her more and more and told her how I felt for her. I sent her roses to congratulate her and she liked that a lot. She is somewhat of a quiet shy girl, but she is really nice but also very hesitant. She has never been in a relationship before, and the funny thing is that this is true more or less for me too. I continued to tell her my feelings for her more and she would only say that she felt the "same" or "me too". She said that she was worried that when I got to meet her more when i was home my feelings would not be the same. So talking till nearly Thanxgiving, it was to the point where we knew almost everything about each other that we could talk about, and I was really showering her with attention and compliments (I know, according to your teaching this is wrong haha) and she just said that we have to wait and see. I teased her telling her that there were some dreams I had but would have to wait to tell her how they ended, and she said she would eventually open up to me. Well me got together finally over my Turkey break and I went over to their house for the evening after dinner (i bought....youre probably saying "doh") and we watched movies. Their family seems to like me a lot by the way, and I have talked to M.'s sister and mother on occasions before this. I asked if i could put my arm around her and she let me, and then before i went home we went for a short walk and I held her hand to "keep it warm". Before I got into the car she gave me a hug and I invited her over for tomorrow, and that since we are an hour away from each other's house she could stay the night to save time. So we had a good time Thursday and she met my family, and we played games and movies and such, and I said she could sit with me in my couch where it was warmer and she accepted. After the movie was done at about 2:30 am, I shut it off and we just lay there reclining. I started to stroke her arm and gently rub her hands, and then i went to her face and neck and hair, once in a while whispering in her ear and saying she smelt and looked good. She just lightly giggled, and rest her head on my chest but she didnt really do any touching herself, but we got out of the chair at 6 am and slept till 9 am and got up and had a fun day again playing games and I showed her around town. We played footsie under neath the card table some but again it was pretty much myself doing all the showing of affection. We had a candle lit dinner that night and I asked her if her doubts had been answered yet, and she said she knew how I felt but that I needed to get to know her more and that she just was hesitant and not able to open up as much as I am yet. She sat in the couch with me again Friday night and it was more of the same and then she went to bed at 3, but I couldnt sleep that night because I really wondered if I was maybe being too serious and forward for her. She wanted up at 6:15 and so I woke her up touching her face, and we lay in my bed for about an hour with more of the same of me touching her, and then it came time for her to get ready and say goodbye. I had asked her on several occasions over the week at what I felt was the right time if she wanted to know how my dream ended (which we both know what it is hehe) but she said not yet and maybe later. I had written her a long note that night since I didnt sleep and I gave that to her out by her car and she gave me another hug and off she went. I flew back out to school Saturday morning and I have been pretty sad, both because I miss her and because Im not sure if she feels the same way I do.

It seems like she likes all the attention Im giving her that she has never gotten before, but only seems to reciprocate the same things I say and she does not open up to me nearly like i have to her. So i have decided I need to probably try another approach and start applying your methods and see if that gets me anywhere. I will be home for a break in a few weeks and Im hoping that she will start opening up to me then, otherwise im not sure I want to continue to keep giving myself to her like I have if she wont do the same. She does give me a lot of her time so I know she is interested, but I want her to start really being into me the way I have shown her. So Ive been reading your stuff and I think I need to loosen up and tease her a little more and not shower her with compliments, maybe once in a while, and I need to start talking to her less. I think I need to be a little more indifferent but Im just not sure what exactly to do as far as how sweet i am supposed to be to her, and the right kind of attitude i need to have. I think I need to let my "cocky and funny" side come out more but I dont want her to think I am not interested in her or that I am a prick. Im thinking that I need to realize less is more, and give her opportunities and such but make it sparingly and focus more on just being a fun person. Its been almost 5 months knowing her and theres a lot more I could say as far as details, but Im wondering that from what you can get out of this if you have any specific advice for me? I appreciate it a lot man, and thanx for the book! Talk to you later.

~ Mixed up in Minnesota

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You might want to sit down for this.

Sit on a chair with ARMS on it so you don't fall off, OK?

It's VERY clear to me that you've become VERY emotionally attached to this girl... and that you like her very much (women all over the world are reading this right now and crying...).

And I know that when you really, really, REALLY like a girl, “things are different”.

I know that this one is different from ALL of the others... and that you don't want to risk doing something wrong with her... so you're not using any of the materials that you're learning from me...

In fact, you're saving the things you've learned from me for “later”... just in case what you're doing doesn't work in the end.

And even though I'm going to verbally beat your ass for all of this in a moment, I want to let you know that I really do understand.

By the way, I'm only being this nice because it sounds like you're still pretty young, and have almost ZERO experience with women.

So don't get too used to this “kid gloves” stuff from me. Next time you write, I'm just going to launch into it.

OK.

Here's how your letter started:

“I recently bought your ebook because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her.”

I smelled trouble before I was finished reading that first sentence, man.

Here's what my gut tells me:

You sound DESPERATE.

You sound like the affection-starved human male equivalent of a hungry homeless kitten.

It's also clear to me that somewhere along the line in your life you got the idea that if you want to make a woman like you, that you should ACT like a woman.

This is a problem.

From your perspective (which I understand a little too well from your detailed letter), it ALMOST looks like she might like you.

I mean, she's replying to everything you do in a “mirror image” kind of way.

She's not stopping you.

And sometimes she does something nice in return when you're sweet and thoughtful...

But you can FEEL that something just isn't quite “right” here.

Again, it ALMOST looks like she might like you... and when you're in this situation, even small hints seem like they could be “the big clue” that lets you know that she is just as in love as you are.

But my guess is that this situation is much worse than you think.

In fact, I think that there's a very good chance that it's so bad... so, so bad... that it's probably a waste of time to try to “save” it.

I think that the “hints” you're getting from her are the behaviors of a sweet girl who doesn't like the idea of hurting you.

In other words, she's probably as far from “into you” as a girl can be... but she loves you as a friend, and cares about you as a person... so she can't bring herself to look you in the eyes and say, “Hey, you're acting like a girl and you've destroyed all chances of me ever feeling any type of ATTRACTION for you”.

So let's talk about some of the things you've mentioned in your email...

The first thing that comes to mind is how much ATTENTION you give her.

In the moment, giving someone attention, seems like a great thing. They usually seem to enjoy it, and you know you're getting approval from them because they're still talking to you.

The other little “hidden bonus” of giving someone a lot of attention, is that you know they're not getting it from SOMEONE ELSE during the time that you're giving it to them...

Which gives many people a false sense of security.

Heavy, man.

But I think it's time you started thinking of this topic a little differently.

Think of attention, compliments, physical affection and emotional attachment like FIREWOOD.

A little at a time is perfect.

But if you put it all on at once, you're going to burn the house down and destroy everything.

When you give a woman too much attention, you are communicating that you're OBSESSED.

In other words, you're almost the OPPOSITE of a CHALLENGE.

Have you ever heard a woman say “I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts... and I just can't stop thinking about him...”?

No?

Me neither.

Surprise, surprise.

Women aren't INTO guys who are obsessed with them.

Women are INTO guys who are interesting, mysterious, challenging... guys who trigger ATTRACTION in them, not AFFECTION.

Here's how YOUR mind is working right now:

“It feels good, so do it.”

“She seems to enjoy it, so keep it up.”

“I don't want to lose her, so I must continue to smother her with attention.”

“This is the only chance I get, so I must take it to the max.”

“If I don't do something, some other guy will, and I'll be heartbroken.”

Don't worry, this is how MOST guys think and act.

Hell, I did this stuff for years...

But here's what's probably going on in HER mind:

“He's always there whenever I want to talk.”

“He's such a sweet, nice, caring guy.”

“Maybe if I keep talking to him, I'll feel something...”

“...But for some reason... I just don't FEEL IT for him... and I can't make myself feel it...”

“I don't want to hurt him, so I'd better be nice to him.”

She probably feels a lot of guilt... because maybe she is thinking that she “led you on”.

Here's something for you to think about:

“Getting, KILLS Wanting.”

If someone gets something, or even knows that they HAVE IT whenever they want it, that thing becomes much less interesting to them.

As a rule, we humans desire things that aren't easy to get.

We don't want the easy thing!

Just think about it, man.

The more you don't know how she feels about you, and the more you try... the more you WANT HER.

It's working on you, but you can't see it!

Here's the bottom line:

Going with your emotions, and confessing your love for a girl too early on isn't always as “good” as it “seems” like it should be.

If you smother her with too much attention, she's going to run from you and go find a challenging guy.

She's giving you all the “I really like you, you're a sweet guy, I can't bear to break your heart, and I DON'T FEEL IT FOR YOU” signals.

You need to carefully consider your situation, and decide what you REALLY want.

She doesn't have experience with men, relationships, and life.

And from the sounds of it, neither do you.

You're acting on emotion here.

You're not THINKING.

I didn't hear you say “Yea, well I've thought this over, and it makes a lot of sense for her and I to be together...”

You're acting like a textbook WUSSBAG, dude.

It's time to face that reality...

If you were in a court of law right now trying to prove that you weren't a WUSSY, you would not be able to provide even a shred of evidence to support your case.

If the jury was made up of your Mom, Juliet (Romeo's girlfriend), Celine Dion, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Michael Jackson, and all five guys from “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy”, even THEY would reach a UNANIMOUS verdict:

WUSSY!

They might even ask you to provide evidence that you're MALE... based on your testimony here.

And you've only got yourself to thank for it.

You did it all.

Here's something for you to remember:

Attention from a man can be like a DRUG for a woman... even if she isn't attracted to him.

A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion... even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself.

And if you have a young woman who has never been in a relationship with a guy, this could be an even BIGGER probability.

Here's my guess:

95% chance she's not into you.

5% chance she is into you, but she's just too young, inexperienced, shy, or whatever to know what to do about it... or maybe she has some kind of strange religious programming that has brainwashed her into thinking that she needs to marry you before kissing you. But doubtful.

You're in one BI-ATCH of a situation.

You're emotionally attached to this girl, and you “like-like” her.

She's emotionally attached to you, but she most likely DOES NOT “like-like” YOU.

What you do here is your choice, but the chances of something working out are slim-to-none, because you didn't create ATTRACTION at the beginning with this girl.

And even if there were some sparks initially, your Wussy behavior has almost surely killed them all off for good.

SOME GOOD NEWS

Now that I've dealt you the bad news, let's talk about the future.

Let's talk about what you can learn from this experience.

And let's talk about how to use what you've learned to make your life great in the future.

And who knows, maybe after you get your act together, and this girl gets a little bit of life and relationship experience, you just might get lucky and meet her in an airport and she'll forget what a girly-man you used to be...

Actually, probably not.

But it was a nice thought.

In the future, if you are “interested” in a girl, you must remember to be a MAN around her.

Women feel ATTRACTION for “MEN”.

On the other hand. they feel AFFECTION for “nice guys” that wind up becoming FRIENDS.

Instead of waiting until the very end, when you are convinced that a woman isn't into you, before doing what you're learning from me... do it from the BEGINNING.

You must SPARK the ATTRACTION right from the start.

You can't wait until the end, man.

What you were doing was like trying to take all the ingredients of a cake and bake them, then mix them.

It doesn't work that way.

In the future, you need to do the right things, in the right order.

You've learned a valuable lesson. So appreciate what you've learned... even though it's hard.

You're off to a good start now that you've read my eBook... but it really sounds to me like you need to REPROGRAM YOUR MIND.

It sounds like you need a complete overhaul of your thinking.

It sounds like you need a major DE-WUSSING, followed by a ground-up education on how to think, act, and communicate in a way that makes women feel ATTRACTION for you...

You NEED to sign up for my free Dating Secrets eLetter, and get yourself a copy of my eBook, “Double Your Dating”.

There's just no two ways about it.

You wasted probably ten times as much time, energy, money, and emotional distress in this relationship as you would have invested in getting and learning from my book.

And it would have not only saved you a lot of time and money, but also the damn emotional PAIN that you're having to endure.

Take it from me... I've been in your shoes.

I know what it feels like to be doing every possible thing and giving as much as humanly possible... only to have a girl respond by saying “I don't know how I feel” or “I just think we should be friends”.

It sucks.

But it doesn't have to be this way!

If you will invest in yourself and do yourself the favor of getting this education, you can take control of this area of your life... and avoid situations like this in the future.

DATING TIPS MAILBAG: Ice Breakers And Starting Conversations With Women

By:David DeAngelo

***SUCCESS STORY*** If there are people out there who still don't believe in the cocky & funny, QUIT DOUBTIN' IT AND START WORKIN' IT!

The other night I was at a burger joint near my office. It's one of those grungy independent places that's popular with the locals, and out of towners make a point to visit if they're here for something else. The line had snaked around, and a group of three cuties was standing in front of my table. They were talking about what they'd heard, and one of them said she was looking forward to their fries.

Since I had a bunch of fries in front of me, I made eye contact and gave my fries a Vanna White flourish with my hands. She said, "Wow those look good. Can I?"

I offered her one of my fries. She dipped it in my cup of ketchup, and right as she popped it in her mouth, I looked her in the eye and said "By the way, I double-dip." In the space of two seconds, her expressions ranged from shock at my brashness, to wondering whether she should be grossed out, to laughing.

I knew I could have gotten her e-mail/number... and the thing is, I didn't even want to, because I've been seeing a solid eight. Sure, there are hotter, but until recently I would have thought she was entirely out of my league. And I ALWAYS bust her balls. She's always coming up to me, saying "Gimme kiss". I think for a second and say, "Umm... no, but thanks!" And then she's enthusiastically kissing me. Or more.

I'm not the hottest guy out there. I'm pretty fat, actually. But women hate how desperation smells, and if a beautiful woman sees that you're not looking for just anyone who'll return the conversation, and that you're not intimidated by their looks, that's GOLD, man, GOLD.

In fact, it's even worked for me at the office. Now, yes, here you have to be more careful. And it doesn't substitute for competence. But my boss sees I'm not intimidated, and I get stuff done. In fact, today I just landed a $5K raise.

You must be tired of hearing it... well, hear it again. Dave, you da man.

E
Michigan

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Nice!

Well, I think my favorite line in your email was...

"...women hate how desperation smells..."

Because this doesn't make a whole lotta sense to most of the guys who read it, let me do the honors of breakin' it down for ya...

When someone says something like this, what they're trying to say is that there's something about "desperation" that women pick up on... but it's not easy to describe.

Desperation comes across in all kinds of subtle ways, from how you talk to a woman, to the eye contact that you make, to how often you call her.

Women can "smell" it because women are approximately TEN TIMES better at reading body language than men. Your body language says everything about you to a woman... so if you want to get better at attracting women, you'd better start paying attention to and taking control of it.

Start with your posture. Lift your chest.

Lean back, not forward.

Leaning forward is usually a "needy" signal.

Leaning back is usually a signal of strength.

Slow down your movements.

Fast movements convey nervousness and skittishness.

Slow movements convey self control and strength.

It's a good idea to take some time and study the body language of guys who are successful with women. Watch closely, and pay attention to EVERYTHING.

Even though something doesn't SEEM like it's important, it probably is.

I have a good friend who holds his drink a certain way when he's talking to a woman that he's interested in.

He does it almost every time.

Is it important?

You do the math.

Thanks for the email. Good stuff.


***COMMENTS FROM A WOMAN***

Hey Dave -

Ok, I can't help myself. I've got to comment again. I commented last week in response to a writer who was disturbed with your methods of meeting women. And now this week, I find another, equally amusing halfwit who just doesn't get it (the one you affectionately called a "crack smoker".. hehehe).

Is it me or the rest of the world? Jesus, people. It's not disrespectful, it's not meant to be hurtful or demeaning. It's called TEASING ... it's a playful, flattering form of teasing.

Let me give you an example of a guy I met recently, from a female's point of view -- one guy's success story (and unless he gets your newsletter or has read your materials, he's probably totally unaware of HOW he "hooked" me so easily). I met a guy online several months ago, we chatted for awhile and quickly discovered that we had a very compatible quick-witted sense of humor (he was cocky and very funny from the get-go ...I loved it). Everytime we talked on the phone, he'd find a way to bust my chops and make me laugh. (Sounds cliche, but "He had me at hello." hehehe) He'd always point out some imperfection of mine and blow it all out of proportion and talk about how it just wasn't going to work out because of all my flaws (kidding the whole time, of course) ... one being the fact that I'm not particularly very well endowed in the chest region. A modest 38B. So after we met that first time, he walked me to my car that night, and as he turned to walk towards his car, he paused and turned back long enough to say "oh, and you're right, you're not very busty." Shocked, I just said, "oh get outta here you *&$%@# " and jabbed him in the arm. And I grinned the whole way home. And I couldn't wait to see him again.

I hope you consider including this in your newsletter to encourage guys to keep trying your methods. THEY DO WORK! With the negative comments in the last couple of newsletters from "outraged" readers, I'd hate for any guy to second-guess that this stuff works. Because as far as I'm concerned, there just aren't enough of you guys (cocky & funny) around. At least I can't find 'em.

J, in Maryland

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, well I think that the REAL problem that the "halfwits" and "crack smokers" of past newsletters are having is that they don't GET IT.

I've found that women HATE the idea that guys are doing ANYTHING "intentionally" to become more successful in the dating world.

Anything that has to be "learned" really freaks some women out (as a side note, I've found that most of the women I've talked to in person about my ideas were OK with them. On occasion, a woman will freak out, but after they actually "get" what I'm talking about, they almost universally LIKE the ideas).

The REAL profound insight that I've had relating to this topic is that women will often SAY that they want one thing, but then when they GET it they seem like they don't want it.

On the other hand, women will often SAY that they don't like certain types of guys or certain traits, then they'll turn around and SLEEP with one of these exact guys.

Keep in mind, we're talking about women here, and I don't mean to pick on them... the fact is that GUYS have their own set of bizarre behaviors too. But since everyone is reading these Mailbags to learn about how to attract women, we're going to have to skip this discussion. Wink Wink.

And for all the guys who doubt that what we're talking about here "works", just ask yourself these questions:

1) Is what you're CURRENTLY doing working? 2) Isn't it worth the risk to try ANYTHING else if there's even a CHANCE that it will actually work? Nice.

Thanks for your email.


***QUESTION***

Hey Dave,

Been getting your newsletter for about two months now. Also got both your book and your DVD. They're just unbelievably superb!!!! The stuffs in your book and DVD are so easy to be understood. It is like reading "How to double your dates for Dummies". I was always nervous when I was around hot looking girls. Now, I actually have the confidence to walk up to them and ask for their emails/numbers. It's such a big shift in such a short time. Composure is almost what the girls are looking for. Without it, they can sense you got no game. You really got the stuffs. It works wonders. I'm certainly still new to this and I am practicing everyday constantly.

I have no problems asking girls for the emails. I understand how the composure, voice tone and everything works. But this is my problem. Some girls actually say this exact same lines like "Why don't you give me your email/number and I'll email/call you." I really am stuck after they said this. I just can't figure out some C&F to say at this point to amplify the situation. I am ready to be enlightened by your teaching.

My new Sensei,

Big bow to you,
E.F Canada

>>>MY COMMENTS:

lol... I love questions like this one.

Yea, when you start getting good at approaching women, you will start having all kinds of far-out things happen. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite stories that my friends and I laugh about are about times that I started conversations with women.

Here, let me confuse you for a moment...

Let me give you a couple of different perspectives on your situation.

I have one good friend who has been with literally HUNDREDS of women.

He told me a story about a woman that said this to him. He asked her for her number, and she said "Well, why don't you write down your number and I'll call you...".

He didn't even hesitate... he shot back "Don't give me that SH**, write your number down!".

She smiled and wrote her number down.

One time I was out talking to a girl... I asked her to write down her email and number, and she said "You give me your number" etc.

I looked at her and said "Never mind".

Then, as the conversation went on, she started making comments about talking to me in the future, giving her my number, etc.

I just said "Nah, you're not serious. If you were, you wouldn't be playing games with me, and you'd just give me your number".

She wrote it down.

Funny enough, my standard response to "Why don't you give me your number instead and I'll call you" is to just look at her and say "Write it down. It will be OK..." and then point to the paper.

That probably works about 50% of the time.

You have what I like to refer to as a "high quality problem". Remember what you've learned in my DVD program about what a woman is REALLY looking for. Then be it.

Just because a woman says "Give me your number instead" doesn't mean that you've lost control. It's usually just a test.


***COMMENT***

OMG okay Dave,

I'm a female and have been reading your newsletters to try and figure out where guys get their "game" from. Now that I know it's from you, I would like to say you're a total genius. Like I've had guys use your tips on me and at first I've been like "what the hell" then later on in the conversation, we were exchanging numbers and kisses. you must be like a woman in disguise or something. you are so awesome.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, one thing is for sure... I'm NOT a woman in disguise.

lol...

I don't know many women who could explain this stuff the way I do.

Oh, and feel free to send your picture and phone number with your emails in the future.

If there's one thing that's better than a man recognizing my genius, it's a cute gal recognizing it.

By the way, you said something that was very interesting in your email.

You said that when guys start using these techniques with you, at FIRST you respond with "what the hell"... but LATER ON you wind up kissing and exchanging numbers.

Very VERY interesting.

This is a KEY point that most guys just can't grasp or work with. Thanks for laying it out.


***QUESTION***

hello there.

can u please let me know, what is meant by a wussy.? I've came across this word a lot, in ur newsletter, wussy, and wussies, but couldn't figure out, what it means. I didn't find the meaning of that word in the dictionary too.

as you used in ur letter, Women aren't attracted to Wussies what is meant by that.

waiting for ur reply

bye

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes, I can explain the concept of what a "Wussy" is quite easily.

If you say things like "waiting for your ur reply", you're communicating like a Wussy.

If you don't know what a Wussy is, you probably are one.

Guys who aren't Wussies know what a "Wussy" is because they usually MAKE FUN OF THEM a lot.

I know, I know... I'm being harsh.

But I used to be a BIG TIME Wussy. It was a problem.

I used to call women all the time, kiss up to them, give away my power to them, and every other WUSS-ISH thing you could do.

In other words, I'm an expert.

A Wussy is a guy who gives away his power to women, and behaves in a "submissive" way.

Don't do this.

It's the DARK SIDE, if there ever was one.


***QUESTION***

David,

I've been reading your newsletter for about a month now and I respect your honesty and perspectives. The things you've said makes lots of sense and I have no doubts that they work. In fact, I have observed others use your techniques they and get remarkable results with the ladies. Now, when I read your newsletters, I thought to myself and realized that I have been somewhat using your "cocky and funny" techniques unconsciously... ie, teasing the girls, making fun of them but not putting them down. (I guess its part of my personality). I make some of the girls I work with as well as my customers laugh.

The thing is, when I go out to a bar or a nightclub, or anywhere else for that matter, I tend to clam up for some reason. I might even give the impression to others that I'm a tightass because I dont open my mouth. I know I can keep the ball rolling once I have the girls attention. My problem is the ice breaker. The very first thing I say AFTER introducing myself, or even BEFORE depending on the situation. I feel like I dont have any interesting things to say to start up a conversation. My question is how can I prepare myself to be more cocky per say? What ice breakers can I use and not look like a wuss at the same time? I try to listen in on the guys next to me pick up girls, try to hear what they are saying. But I'm hard of hearing and its quite hard in noisy situations for me to hear anything unless my ear is literally close. Interested in any perspectives and feedback you can give to start off.

Thanks
A.W.G. - Illinois

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Most guys are afraid of approaching women and starting conversations.

When you say the words "ice breaker", you ASSUME that a woman is going to respond to you "coldly". You know, Ice=Cold.

The fact is that there are a certain percentage of women out there who are happy, open, and receptive in general, and a certain amount that are cold, closed, and NOT receptive.

I had a guy come to my last seminar in Los Angeles who went out one of the evenings and started approaching women.

He came back into the seminar the next day and told his story...

He said that he couldn't believe how he let his past negative programming stop him from starting conversations with women. He had gone out, and walked up to women one after the other and just simply said "Hi, I'm out meeting people tonight, what's your name?" and women were giving him all kinds of positive responses.

Just remember that most women will respond somewhere in the range of "neutral" to "positive" if you say almost ANYTHING to them.

Now, if you want to start conversations in bars and nightclubs, and you just can't get the nerve up to do it, try this...

Find a BUSY place near the bar where people are lining up to order drinks. Find a place where people are literally crammed together like sardines.

Work your way up to the bar at the BUSIEST spot, and either stand there, or get a chair there.

The idea is that you want to be where a lot of women will walk up to the bar during the evening and ACCIDENTALLY bump into you.

If you REALLY want to make this work for you, wear a loud or unique shirt... something that has a soft, "feely" texture.

Over the course of a few hours, some conversations will start BY THEMSELVES.

Women will say "excuse me" and try to get past you.

Some women will ask you to order a drink for them.

Some will just bump up against you on accident and then apologize.

Take a few minutes, and think up some good responses that fit your personality... and have them ready.

Try:

"Look, if you wanted to start a conversation with me you could have just said "hi", you didn't have to be violent about it."

That should get you started.

The point is that there's a way to put yourself in a situation that automatically sparks conversations. You just need to be ready when it happens.

This kind of thing should help you get past the fear and hesitation to start conversations on your own.


***QUESTION***

David D.,

First off, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to put all of this material together. As a guy who is finally beginning to understand the game and is on his way to "get it", I'd like to thank you. I'm still not completely to the place I'd like to be, but I'm on my way (being able to walk up to any woman who I'd like to meet and being able to secure digits and lead things the rest of the way from there). The ideas that I'm finding that really help me keep my focus (and not get too nervous/needy) are many from your advanced program that I purchased. ex- What they think of you is their business, and acting almost too comfortable around them. I'm also in the process of reading Comedy Writing Secrets by Helitzer and have 3 other books purchased (of those you recommended) that will be my next projects.

Okay, on to the comment and question. I've read recently that studies have shown (can't remember if this was from Reader's Digest or what) that even if you're a shy person, acting outgoing will improve your mental health and get rid of that feeling of seclusion that many introverted people have. On to the question... in your Advanced DVD program, the idea of congruence is mentioned several times, mostly as that you have to be congruent when you talk to a woman. This concept seems to be rather elusive and I was wondering if you could go into more detail about what "being congruent" entails.

Thanks,
T.C. from Virginia

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Sure, the idea of being "congruent" when you communicate simply means to have ALL LEVELS of your communication be "in alignment" with each other and "saying the same thing".

If you're asking a woman for her number, but you're looking around nervously and hesitating, it's not "congruent".

On the other hand, if you're saying "Write down your email and number for me" while taking out a pen and paper... as if it's the 147th time that you've done it, it's CONGRUENT.

Most people don't realize that they're sending MIXED MESSAGES all the time.

Have you ever asked someone "What's wrong?" and had them say "NOTHING'S WRONG! Why does everyone keep asking me what's wrong?".

That's a mixed message. And it's not congruent.

You want to "line up" ALL of your communication.

Your body language, voice tone, words, etc.

All of the different specific body language, voice tone, and gestures that I recommend in my programs have a single goal in mind: To help you be 100% CONGRUENT when you are communicating with women.

The more congruent you are, and the more you use the techniques that I'm teaching, the better your responses from women will become.


***COMMENTS***

Y'know, my mom actually wanted to comment on your program. She's been teaching me and my brothers about what women REALLY want from men ever since I was very small. She's been teaching us pretty much the same material that you cover in your book and advanced series (which I recently picked up by the way, I fell so much in love with the book I just couldn't resist, it's been GREAT!), and she just wanted me to tell you that you hit it right on the head! Her saying has always been pretty much: "Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either." I have tried other dating success trainings, and this one is by far my favorite. There's... one... that I tried before yours. Theirs isn't NEARLY as good as yours, because the techniques they teach are way to unnatural, too analytical, doesn't let you be yourself at all, and doesn't work for everyone in every situation. Your service is the best I've seen so far, because IT ALLOWS YOU TO BE YOURSELF, while HONESTLY sparking ATTRACTION in a female, nd automatically DOES NOT work on a woman with a stick up her ass! I can tell you put a lot of work into this, you've defiantly touched many lives. Not just for men, but women too. Thanks David.

C.D. from Texas

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh YEAHHHHH!

Dude, even your MOM endorses my stuff.

This is out of control.

You know, actually... you suck.

I wish that MY MOM would have taught me this stuff, instead of teaching me wisdom such as "You need to buy women more things" and "A man should always pay for things", etc.

And any mom who would teach her son:

"Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either."

...has my respect.

And to comment on your experience with the techniques and systems that others teach on how to meet women...

My guess is that 95% of the others who have written books on this topic or developed other programs are doing it for the MONEY alone.

In other words, their main focus is the CASH, and NOT helping guys improve with women.

Now, I certainly enjoy the cash. No argument there.

But my MAIN OBJECTIVE is to have the absolute BEST system and materials that are available ANYWHERE at ANY PRICE.

I have spent a LOT of time, effort, and energy to figure out what works to attract women.

Here's the test:

Go download my online eBook, and order up one of my CD/DVD programs. You can get both to try out for free... with zero risk.

THEN, go buy another book on the topic, or whatever else you can find (make sure it comes with a 100% money-back guarantee).

My bet is that you'll return everything else before you've even finished reading it (or listening, or whatever), and that I couldn't pry my stuff out of your hands with a CROWBAR.

My stuff WORKS BETTER, and is easier to use than all the other stuff out there, period. And probably the MOST IMPORTANT benefit is something that was mentioned in this newsletter... when you learn how and why women feel ATTRACTION, and you learn how to trigger it with your communication and body language, you don't have to use a bunch of "unnatural tricks" or dishonest techniques that "feel wrong".

I'll teach you how to develop that "innate" or natural part of themselves that is already there... and give you the correct perspective and programming to get RESULTS. Try it, you'll like it.

Sex Toys Are Win-Win: A Guide for Men

Why guys shouldn't be intimidated by vibrators

The old-fashioned vibrators were pretty scary: Ten inches long with lifelike veins and made of a squishy, horrible material that made them alarmingly penislike ‑- except much bigger and much longer and much wider and ohmigod, is that what women really want? The answer is no. Then why were they created that way? Because those sex toys were designed by men ‑- men who, sadly, didn't have any idea of what turns women on.

Fast-forward to the 21st century: Now, most successful vibrator lines are heavily influenced by women ‑- and the first thing you'll notice is that most aren't even penis shaped. They're designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is outside the vagina, rather than for penetration. Yes, the "Rabbit," made famous by Sex and the City, is a firm favorite, but many women just turn it around to use the clitoral stimulator instead of inserting it.

The reason? Well, brace yourself guys, but only 20 to 30 percent of women can orgasm purely through penetration (without clitoral stimulation). In other words, your thrusting in and out alone probably isn't going to make the earth move for her. That means one of you usually has to use your fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse, which is harder than it sounds. It's awkward: Your hand gets cramped, and it's hard to maintain the gentle, consistent pressure the clitoris needs when your hand is being pushed by the thrusting motion.


The solution is a vibrator. One of you simply holds it against the clitoral area during intercourse and voila: an orgasm during penetration. This takes the pressure off men considerably; it doesn't matter if the erection is a bit wobbly (and, yes, all men experience this at some point for various reasons) because she's going to orgasm anyway. I need to quickly add here that almost all women enjoy intercourse without clitoral stimulation for its own sake ‑- she's not just pretending to like it. It's just that it's difficult for us to orgasm from that alone.

There's another very good reason why you should encourage your partner to own a vibrator and not see it as threatening or as a "replacement penis." Simply put, women who own vibrators tend to have more orgasms than women who don't. The more orgasms your partner has, the more her body wants. So she's more likely to want frequent sex if she owns a vibrator than if she doesn't.

Lots of vibrators these days are partner friendly as well. The idea isn't to chuck them into the bedside drawer but to use them together. She can use one to stimulate your perineum (the smooth, hairless bit between your scrotum and bottom) or your testicles. And lots of guys love it when a woman holds one against the side of her mouth while giving them oral sex. So there you have it: nothing to worry about and everything to gain! Now check out my column on shopping for sex toys ‑- and which ones she'll like best.

By:Tracey Cox

Approaching Women And Getting Physical

By:David DeAngelo
***QUESTION***

Dave, your work has really changed my life. A buddy of mine introduced me to the whole C&F deal, signed me up for your newsletters, and I've recently purchased the books. I'm now currently passing on the ways of The Force to a complete wussbag friend who, like me, was brought up to treat women nicely and avoid talking about sexual things because it's “too forward”. Well, as you're covered a million times, we're programmed by our mothers to be total wussies from the day we're born.

I realized that in my past when I've not cared and was totally C&F and she got it, I ended up on dates. Unfortunately, I didn't know better back then and would morph into wuss mode because “it's what they want” and eventually I was just another friend. Anyway, it hasn't taken long for much of your teachings to make sense. The more I bust their balls the better things always seem, and when I can't find the ball busting material I pull the James Bond stance, cock the head to one side, and stand near them like I know they want it... and I'm just the man to give it to them! Believe me guys, exuding confidence is by far the biggest improvement you'll make to your game. Ok, on to the success story. First, I met this fairly hot chick (7.5) at the bar a couple weeks back. At first I was out of it, didn't know what to say (was a long day), and when my buddy was working her friend I just wandered off after just saying hi. I got my beer, wandered back after taking a time out to come up with a few lines and that's when things got interesting. I could tell that she was sorta confused that I just said hi and walked off and didn't just stay there while my buddy worked. Awesome. So I come back, busted on her a bunch, then wandered off... again. In the mean time my buddy was still struggling away with her chunky and not-so-hot friend. Sidenote: he's the “wuss” I refer to earlier that I'm currently trying to train. Things move on, I go talk to my other buddies who are with us, see her on the dance floor (buddy still in tow with “The Friend”), and now I'm getting warmed up with the C&F. I see this dude with the ugliest sweater ever created, point it out to her, and I asked her if she thought he had skinned his couch to make that thing. She loved it, got the e-mail, and the rest is history in progress. Dropped her quite a few cocky e-mails, she sent the phone number... To close this up, two comments and a question.

First, it's strange but true that when you ignore them they pay more attention to you. Second, had she not played the “we're drunk, lets not have sex” card I would have surely closed the deal... on our first time out after the bar meeting.

Dave, your teachings are truly amazing. I do have one question for you. I KNOW you're not supposed to buy everything because it's wussy (and expensive), but what do you do when you're out, you get round one because you lost a bet to this chick, and when round two comes she just sits there expecting you to buy? Fortunately, she's a cheap drunk, but unfortunately I bought all the booze that night. I went as far as looking at her and saying “well I guess I've got this round too, huh?” when she sat there. Like I said, round one was on me because of a bet and that's all I wanted to pay for. I want to go out with her again, but I don't want to get stuck with a $50 dinner tab. Thanks for any advice.

JMS Detroit

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, I'd first like to comment on your story of how you met this particular girl.

You've really provided a great example of how to be very DIFFERENT than most guys, and how to integrate a lot of my ideas together and successfully apply them.

The idea of walking up to a woman, saying “hi”, and then WALKING AWAY is great (only if you're reasonably sure that you're going to see her again... like in a typical bar scenario).

What do MOST guys do?

They start talking to a woman, KEEP talking to her, try to get a “normal” conversation going, try to buy her a drink, etc.

In your case, you TEASED her mind by doing something unexpected... you said hi, then walked away.

This leaves her to wonder things like:

“Why did he leave?”

“Maybe he thought I was attractive, but then when I opened my mouth he didn't like my personality.”

“Why didn't he offer to buy me a drink or come on to me like the other guys here?”

...etc. etc. etc.

The point is that when you start talking, then walk away, then start talking again, then walk away it demonstrates that you're VERY different from the other guys in the bar who are all acting the same.

It shows that you have self control, that you have things to do, that you could take her or leave her...

And when you ADD to this the Cocky & Funny attitude and humor, it creates a VERY unusual experience for the woman... she's now talking to a guy who seems TOTALLY in control of himself... a guy who is not only unpredictable, but is also interesting and funny to talk to (good things, by the way).

Next, your idea of making a bet to see who buys the drinks is GREAT. I really like it.

If I were you, I'd just keep betting for each round of drinks... hey, if it worked once, why stop? It keeps things fun as well.

And if you're going to KEEP paying for drinks, you need to say “So what am I going to get out of this deal? Don't think just because I'm buying you a drink that I'm going to take you home with me.”

Tell her that she owes you a two hour full-body massage in return. Tell her that you can BUY a woman in other parts of the world for the price of her bar tab.

OK, one of the things you mentioned was that she said: “We're drunk, let's not have sex”.

If I were you, I'd get out the bonus booklet that you got when you downloaded Double Your Dating... the one called “Sex Secrets”. The problem you were most likely dealing with is that you made some type of sexual advance before she was EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY turned on enough.

When you really pay attention to what I teach in Sex Secrets, you'll begin to understand how to really AMPLIFY and accelerate her arousal, and how to get her to the point where SHE is the one that's telling YOU that she wants to move to the next step (and she'll be telling you with her body most likely, not her words).

Go read it again.

And to address your question about paying for drinks and dates...

The reality of the situation is that most women EXPECT a man to pay for a date.

I've had this conversation with MANY, MANY women, and when I challenge them and explain that it sets up an imbalance when a man starts paying for things in the beginning, most women start saying things like:

“I don't like cheap men.”

“A gentleman will always pay for a lady.”

“I don't want a guy who can't afford to take me out.”

“I don't want a guy that I have to support.”

“A guy is lucky to be with me, and he should pay.”

I can feel the hair standing up on the backs of the necks of men and women all over the world who are reading this right now.

To be fair, I have met SEVERAL women who disagree with this kind of thinking... women who are independent, self sufficient, and who aren't interested in finding a guy who will pay their way.

But in GENERAL, this is what you're going to run into.

Many women actually don't think of it as a man “paying” for them. They don't even think about the money itself.

They actually believe that a “gentleman” is supposed to always be the one who pays... that it was HIM who offered to take HER out... and that just because she's female that she deserves to be treated to free food and entertainment.

HELL, MY OWN MOM EVEN THINKS THIS WAY! lol...

(I think it's funny now, but I wish she would have told me what was REALLY going on about 20 years ago, instead of making me figure it all out myself.)

Am I starting to rant?

OK, random thought:

If a woman says, “Just because a guy takes me out and buys me a nice dinner doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with him”. Does that mean what she's really saying is that SOMETIMES when a man takes her out and buys her dinner that it means she IS going to sleep with him?

WHATEVER.

Now that we've talked psychology, let's talk action.

In my humble, personal opinion, the best way to avoid having to pay for a woman's dinner is to NOT TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I know that it seems obvious, and you've heard me say this in 100 different ways, but you REALLY CAN avoid paying for things by just avoiding the SITUATIONS.

If you don't want to pay for drinks, don't go to bars.

If you don't want to pay for dinner, don't go out to restaurants.

If you don't want to pay for diamonds, avoid jewelry stores.

There are a MILLION other great ideas out there, and a MILLION other MORE INTERESTING things to do.

And remember the most IMPORTANT reason why you don't want to start by paying for things:

IT SETS YOU UP AS A PROVIDER IN HER MIND.

Don't worry about PAYING for things, only be concerned with creating the emotion called ATTRACTION inside of her. That's it.

If she feels a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you, then nothing else matters.

Look around.

There are beautiful, intelligent, successful women that you probably know RIGHT NOW who are with guys who mistreat them... guys who the women even have to support entirely in many cases...

WHY?

Well, it all started with ATTRACTION.

Do three things:

1) Avoid traditional situations that automatically set you up to pay for things.

2) Think through and plan interesting experiences for women. Go places and do things that naturally create an interesting, fun time... and avoid places that naturally create a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere.

3) Invest in my Advanced Dating Techniques program. You are ready for the next step, and this is it.

Now that you understand some of the basic psychology of ATTRACTION, it's time for you to learn the ADVANCED STUFF.

In my eBook “Double Your Dating”, I'll take you BEHIND THE SCENES and I'll show you the SECRETS.

I'll teach you things like:

* How to overcome your fear and improve your self image to the point where approaching women no longer scares you or makes you nervous in any way

* How to meet women online... including the exact techniques I've used to meet women that most men would DIE to date

* How to do things that get women so turned on that they are literally ASKING you to sleep with them

...and much, much more...

Read more from David DeAngelo

7 Lap Dance Moves That Make Men Melt

Want to make your guy go gaga? It's not just about what you do in bed that counts. Sure, great sex technique will make you a star in his eyes, but knowing how to tease him will make you a legend. Don't believe us? In The Little Bit Naughty Book of Lap Dancing for Your Lover, real-life exotic dancer Rebecca Drury spills the seven secret — and really sexy! — steps that work on every guy, every time. You can thank us later.

The Grinding Circle
Stand about 60 centimeters (two feet) from your partner, with your feet slightly more than hip-width apart and your toes turned out. With your hips, begin to draw a circle, keeping your back arched. Now slowly bend your knees and grind down as far as is comfortable, then up again, continually undulating your hips and dancing erotically. It's really important to keep your back arched and upright. If you lean forward, you risk impersonating a sumo wrestler!

The Turn
As I've said, lap dancing is about showing off all your assets, so remember to turn around occasionally. For the best effect, turn slowly — your lover should barely notice. When you practice, work out which direction is most natural for you to turn in. And don't be overly concerned with how you do it; just take small steps and aim to make the turn blend into and become part of your dance. Keep circling your hips, and remember your arm movements. As far as possible, try to keep your lover in your gaze as you turn.

The Slap and Tickle
Turn your back to your audience and, with straight legs, bend forward slightly, look back at him coquettishly and stroke or lightly slap your bottom. I guarantee this will make him smile. Alternatively, still with your back to him, gently sway from your ankles, opening your legs gradually. Slowly, bend over so that your bottom is brazenly pointing at your man. Bend one knee to the side and straighten the other out to the other side. Glide your hand up the straight leg and raise your head over the corresponding shoulder to look back at him. Slap your bottom hard. Repeat on the other side.

The Lap Dance Grind
Gracefully dance yourself into the triangle made by your lover's open legs, and stand with your back to him and your feet together. Make sure you're as close to the chair as possible. Now bend your knees, keeping your back straight, and gently put your hands on your partner's knees. Lower your bottom toward his lap so that you can just feel his crotch on your skin. Then, keeping your hands on his knees for support, grind down gently, moving your hips in a circular or forward-and-backward motion. Look over your shoulder at your man while you do this, if you can. This is a little tricky, though! Take extra care whenever you go near his groin. If you hurt him, he'll never trust you to dance for him again!

The Breast Stroke
Every woman has her own personal scent that collects between her breasts, no matter what size they are or what perfume she wears. It's a potent aphrodisiac. So this step is guaranteed to get your lover going! Move closely into the space between his knees. Standing with your legs straight, gently lean forward and place your hands on either side of the chair. Once you have a firm hold, push your breasts toward his face; his nose should be nestled in your cleavage. For added effect, try brushing from side to side and stroking the end of his nose with your bra or nipple. Keep moving in a provocative way throughout.

Knee Strokes
Facing your partner, stand between his legs, as close to the chair as you can. Place your knees in the space between his crotch and the edge of the chair. Gently put a slight pressure against his groin with your knees. Lean toward him and blow gently into his ear or on his face. You could even exchange a mouthful of wine with him or pour champagne from your nipples into his mouth. As a variation, try this: Stand up facing your lover, then catch one of his knees between your knees and gently rub up and down his thigh. This is a fabulous sensation. Ask him to do it to you sometime!

The Body Slide
Standing between your lover's thighs, lean forward and put your hands on the back of the chair for support. Put one knee on each of his thighs, then lift your torso, slide your knees into the space in front of his crotch (careful here!) and slide, slowly, all the way down his body until you're kneeling on the floor in front of him. To get up off the floor, use your lover's knees for support and stand up sexily — bring your bottom up first, then flick your hair in his face as you raise your upper body.

Unique Valentine's Day Gift: Top Five Valentine Gifts For Her

For Valentine's Day this year, give that special someone the gift of a lifetime. Women love the concept of falling in love. Remember how Adam Sandler made Drew Barrymore fall in love with him everyday in the movie 50 First Dates. Adam Sandler has to come up with something new everyday, to make the same girl fall in love with him again. So, perhaps the traditional bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates are no longer enough to make the woman in your life fall in-love with you again. Well, you can try these top five unique gift ideas guaranteed to make her melt this valentine.

First Date Memorabilia

That first date will be the one they always remember. Even though you can not repeat the date, you can relive it. Framing the menu from the restaurant you first ate at together, is a brilliant way to show someone you care. To make the gift even more special, present it while eating dinner at the same place (even if it was fast food).

A slight variation of this is to have a favorite photo of the two of you framed in a nice decorative picture frame. For a more extravagant and sentimental Valentine’s Day gift, you can have your favorite photo converted into a CrystalScribe(TM), where you photo is engraved inside a crystal shape of your choice.

Star Light Star Bright

If you have ever taken a look at the sky and wondered how many stars there really are, rest assured, there are enough to name one for the person of your dreams. Through an online search, you will be able to find a great company that will sell you a star. You get to give it a name and forever change the sky. This gift will only be special if you name the star after the one you love. Please try and refrain from naming it after yourself, no matter how tempting.

Tell Them With Words

While the story of your romance may not be what you would call incredible, others may think differently. This Valentine's Day, try writing a concise version of your courtship and publish the story. Give your loved one a copy of the published work and watch their face turn as red as that rose you left behind.

Give Back Adult Time

As time moves on in a relationship and courtship moves to marriage, it seems every waking moment is spent with the kids. Free time is given away, day after day. Homework, plays, soccer practice and dinner make breathing a cherished commodity. More than any monetary gift in the world, many would simply love the gift of time. Offering to watch the kids while your love spends a day, night or weekend away will not only present the perfect gift, but offer a refreshing change sure to last many moons.

Clean Things Up

Many hours, from Valentine's Day to Valentine's Day are spent in the midst of cleaning. This year, take that chore away. A maid service for a month, is a great gift for the entire family. Imagine all of the free time you will gain when someone else has to do all the cleaning.

Valentine's Day gifts do not have to consist of roses, chocolates and expensive dinners. This year give a gift your loved one will be sure to love and a memory to last longer than any edible or perishable treat.

MJ Millares is a gift advisor and designer for EmJée Designs, Inc. For more unique personalized gifts or additional information on unique valentine's day gift please visit EmJee Designs website at emjeeonline.com.

Enticing Your Sexual Life

Delicious sex comes in many shapes and forms. Save the penetration for another day, and delve deeper into sexual play and intimacy with your girl with some of these activities. Challenge yourself by creating a sensual environment where both of you can try new things and practice other erotic activities.
Dirty Talk and Erotic Storytelling

A dirty story is a fun and sexy way to spend time with your lover, and it may provide you both with some new ideas and a bit of mental stimulation. A story can be told almost anywhere: in the car, over the phone, via e-mail or letter, or even in bed. If you're not comfortable making up stories on the fly, find a magazine or website that has fiction that suits your tastes and read it to your partner. Keep in mind that females prefer lots of foreplay, especially in their imaginations. A story that heads straight for intercourse is the same as in real life, and it probably won't get the desired result. The story is just a story for its own sake; there doesn't have to be an “ending” or an orgasm for either of you. It is simply a very enjoyable way to share sex, perhaps without even touching each other.


Sensual Massage

Massaging your partner is among the most coveted activities in a relationship. A sensual massage, however, is a slightly different kettle of fish because it is relaxing and sexually stimulating at the same time.

There are very few rules to giving a sensual massage, but generally, slow and sexy movements are key. Take your time, use a scented essential oil that has aphrodisiac properties, such as ylang-ylang, and keep the lights low. Glide over her skin using firm but gentle pressure with your hands or whichever body part you want to use, such as arms, chest, stomach, legs or feet. Just make sure to cover every inch of her body and avoid her hot spots until the final act. The idea is to make her want you to touch her hot spots. Take your time and create anticipation, and she surely will want your touch.

Touching each others' bodies releases mood-enhancing endorphins, and no matter what happens afterward, the body feels good simply for having been nourished from the outside in. Also, don't expect a sensual massage in return; it's the last thing you feel like doing after receiving one.
Role Playing and Costumes

When it comes to sex, role playing gives us more options; if you are normally quite reserved, you can live a little and be a bit more daring. If your girl is normally shy, she can unleash the dominatrix within. The personas we can morph into with erotic role play allow us to significantly expand our boundaries. Your girlfriend may not like being tied up as “herself,” but her exotic dancer alter ego might love it. With some creative role play, our rigid rules can change.

Role playing becomes even more exciting if you include costumes; women love dressing up. Costumes give us the opportunity to actually get into character, which releases many of our inhibitions. Role playing with costumes is fun, entertaining and liberating. You can get into all sorts of debauchery when you are not really yourself.


Phone Sex

This is an old favorite, and it is very useful if you and your lover have to be apart. Of course, since getting off with your girl on the phone is a really fun and dirty way to play, you don't have to actually be too far apart; separate rooms will suffice. Our aural senses are very sensitive to erotic sounds; as a result, panting, heavy breathing and moans trigger a heightened sexual response. Phone sex also allows a bit more freedom because you are alone and can therefore do as you please as far as masturbation goes. Physically, the pressure is off since she is responsible for herself and you for yourself. The topics you choose to discuss are up to you, but unless she starts it, stay away from anything involving family members, animals (don't even go there) and other women that you fantasize about.
Mutual Masturbation

This is one of the sexiest and most intimate things you can do with a lover, though the situation has to be right and you both have to be comfortable with each other. Getting yourself off in front of another person is not always easy, but it is very enjoyable once you're in the swing of things. The key is to be uninhibited, though overcoming this can be part of the thrill. Give her the time and space she needs, and do the same for yourself. If you feel nervous, take your time to become comfortable. If it'll help, light a candle and drink some wine. Making love without touching another person is a strangely delicious experience. Mutual masturbation can be a combined effort, and it helps to give and receive visual and vocal stimulation. There are no rules (except no penetration); so play and be played.

There are so many fun ways to experience eroticism and there is really no excuse for having boring sex. Take a break from the norm and get a bit dirty. Using your imagination sparks more ideas and fun, and once you start playing around, you will find that a whole range of other activities are just as much fun as intercourse. Open your mind and body, and you shall reap the rewards of a healthy, fun and open-minded sex life.

By:AskMen.com