Sharing the Bed at Your Parents' House

You’re sexually liberated-- in fact, you’re practically living with your boyfriend. So why should you have to pretend you’re not having sex with your partner when you go home to stay with your folks over Christmas? Indeed. You’re an adult, there’s nothing to be ashamed of and it should be easy to broach the topic, right? Hmmm. I know many a 30 or even 40 year old who’ve asked themselves this question, while they’re lying shivering in their childhood single bed with a grumpy partner tucked up on the fold-down bed in the loungeroom.

It’s not easy to come right out and say ‘Hey Mom and Dad. I know you probably know I’m not a virgin but do you think we’ve reached the stage where I can leave no doubt by shagging my boyfriend under your roof?’ Which is why I don’t suggest you do. But there is a way to get your way without making everyone wish the floor open and put you all out of your misery.

First up, prepare them before you arrive so you’re not confronted with made up beds in separate rooms. Simply say, ‘Mum or Dad, I’m so looking forward to spending time with you. And I know X (your partner) is too. It’s quite serious between us and I really want you to like him as much as I do.’ Now, even if it’s not serious, I’d still throw this one in. For a start, you probably are keen or you wouldn’t bother bringing him home to you family. Secondly, saying you’re serious allows your parents to console themselves with the ‘They’ll probably get married, so it’s ok’ thought or almost as comforting ‘She’s in love so sex is ok’.

Once they’ve digested this, say ‘Mum/Dad, I know this is a bit awkward but would it be okay if we shared the same room? He stays over most nights or I’m at his place and it would just seem odd sleeping separately’. Note the emphasis on ‘sleeping’ - you’re trying to give the impression that’s all that will happen. Faced with such directness and honesty, most parents will cave in. After all, you’re already having sex, so it’s sort of pointless fighting it now! If they are horrified because it strongly offends their religious or moral code, it’s up to you how to deal with it. Quite frankly, if it would upset them deeply and you know they wouldn’t understand no matter how tactful you are, I wouldn’t even bother trying. Just accept you’re going to be sleeping apart for that period of time for the sake of peace.

But if they do come around, let them know how much it’s appreciated. Wait till you’re alone, give them a big hug and say ‘Thanks for letting us stay together. It means a lot and I know it may have been hard for you’. Then treat the situation with respect. If you do end up having sex, make it the quietest you’ve ever had. Don’t wander out of the room half naked and don’t leave the door open so they’re treated to the sight of you having a sexy snog. Next time round, they probably won’t bat an eyelid but the first time their little girl officially becomes a woman - well, in their eyes anyway - it can be a bit traumatic.

By: Tracey Cox