Spending Your First Holidays Together

You love your boyfriend, you love your family, you adore Christmas so all three combined should be just bliss, right? Well, if you’re lucky, it will be. If you don’t happen to have the perfect family and perfect boyfriend - and does anybody? - these tips might help smooth out any potentially awkward or inflammatory situations.

-First up, brief everyone beforehand. You don’t need to give long, involved histories but at least make sure your family and your boyfriend are up to speed with the basics. Start with what everyone does or did for a living to avoid moments like ‘God, can you imagine being a dentist? Would that not be the worst job in the world dealing with all that bad breath’, greeted by ‘Oh really? I worked as a dentist for 40 years before I retired’. It’s also worth filling in any glaring differences between you and you parents or your boyfriends upbringing or education. If you went to posh private schools and your boyfriend grew up in a council flat and attended the local comprehensive, letting everyone know can avoid embarrassing throwaways which meant nothing but could be misconstrued if someone’s a little sensitive.

-A round-up of each other’s good points (Mum's very generous, so don’t be embarrassed if she buys you a gift)and bad (So don’t be surprised if she forces food on you) can also avert disaster. If your family know your boyfriend talks loudly and is a little opinionated, they’ll be prepared for it. They might not like him, but they’re more likely to forgive if they’ve had a chance to get used to something. Finally, say to each beforehand “It’s important to me that everyone gets on and we all have a nice time. I know it’s going to be a bit weird because no-one knows each other but I know you’ll make him feel at home/make an effort to like them.”

-The moment you arrive, bustle about, talking lots and fast to fill in any awkward silences and pay lots of attention to your family as well as your partner. It’s tempting to look after him rather than them because there’s more of them, but they’ll be feeling nervous too. If they’re always used to having you to themselves, they could be slightly jealous, so show you’ve got enough love to go around.

-Lastly, don’t panic if everyone doesn’t hit it off immediately, give them a chance to relax and get used to each other. And if your very worst nightmare materializes - no-one gets on and there’s an argument - stay calm and try not to take sides. Instead, suggest you all take a bit of time out and go for a short walk with your boyfriend to hear his side, then let him cool off while you talk to your family. Most people will calm down after 20 minutes and the calmer and more logical you are, the more likely they are to all see sense.

By: Tracey Cox